


Welcome to Hell Friends!

by oh_heccity



Series: underoos is now online [2]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bisexual Peter Parker, Chatting & Messaging, Cute Peter Parker, Group chat, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Precious Ned Leeds, Precious Peter Parker, stop sleeping on ned 2019
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2019-11-04 03:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17890640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_heccity/pseuds/oh_heccity
Summary: Peter adds his friends to a groupchat claiming that they need to have better communication and so Shuri could 'meet' Ned and MJ





	1. friends become friends

**Author's Note:**

> aight, so i need yalls help. should i actually make a relationship?? not just platonic, it wouldn't really be a big thing but hgng??? idk

**[underoos added, kween, mj, and hats to fwiends] (6:03 am)**

**underoos:** this just in, shuri is now cancelled

**mj:** What the fuck Peter, why the fuck did you add me to this chat?

**underoos:** cause youre my friend and i want you to meet my other friend!!!

**hats:** Hi Peter!!!

**underoos:** hi ned!!!!

**kween:** why the fuck are yall texting at ass crack o'clock

**mj:** Who the fuck are you?

**kween:** shut up

**underoos:** ope!!! sorry shuri!!! i forgot that wakanda isnt the same time zone as us!!!

**mj:** Ope is probably the most mid-western thing you've ever said Peter, and you're not even from the mid west

**underoos:** maybe not born their but my soul is

**underoos:** it was born in the vast corn fields

**underoos:** my first word was ope

**hats:**  It wasnt, it was umbrella

**kween:** why do you know that?

**underoos:** how do you know that?????

**hats:** May told me

**underoos:** hmmmmmm

**underoos:** idk why may loves you more than me ned, like im her nephew 

**hats:** Im her honorary nephew

**underoos:** now thats a little rude >:(

**hats:** It really do be like that

**mj:** Peter, May loves everyone. Plus can you really blame her??

**underoos:** lmao no, ned is an absolute sweetie

**hats:** aksfkjskf awww yall are making me uwu

**underoos:** just speaking the truth wuwu

**kween:** god peter youre so gay

**underoos:** i thought that was obvious sis,,,

**kween:** it is i just like stating it tbh

**underoos:**  anway!! we can stop texting so that you can rest shuri cause you need the rest sis, self care

**kween:** no, i wanna meet your friends

**hats:** Hi im Ned!

**kween:** yeeter has told me a lot about you

**mj:** I'm Michelle but you can call me MJ

**underoos:** why can she call you mj right away???? it took us m o n t h s for ned and i to call you mj >:<

**mj:** Shuri just seems like she deserves it

**hats:** And we didnt???

**mj:** Nah, you guys were nerd back then

**underoos:** mj were still nerds

**kween:** honestly, im v honored

**underoos:** you should

**hats:** Now why is Shuri cancelled? 

**underoos:** W  E L L 

**mj:** Oh God

**underoos:** S O i was gonna be a nice person and give shuri a v nice v-days gift which btw did you two like your gift??? an yway, i get home and i just see a fucking blanket??? like which doesnt seem like a lot but this shit is n i c e, like im talking about sherpa, super soft and kinda heavy but kinda not??? like not enough to bring some mems up which im v grateful. moving on im currently curled up in my bed wrapped up in my blanket which is like maybe twice??? the size of me and im really out here about to be a butterfly and living my best life. 

**mj:** Then why is she cancelled?

**mj:** That gift doesn't seem all that bad

**underoos:** now if it was just a normal blanket it wouldnt be that big of a deal for me, i mean i would still cry cause nghghg but i looked up the brand and this shit is fucking expensive

**underoos:** and here i thought you fucking made this shit for me

**hats:** How expensive are we talking pete?

**underoos:** 436.60 dollars

**hats:** What the fuck

**kween:** its not that expensive???

**mj:** Not to flex but my family is well off but that's pretty expensive sis, and only for Valentines? 

**kween:**  like not to flex on yall but that was really nothing?? it wasnt that much of a dent in my money for just buying peter a blanket

**mj:** But why a blanket?

**kween:** caause peter cant thermoregulate so hes always chilly

**hats:**  Is that why youre always stealing my clothes and mjs???

**underoos:** sorta but those are also v big on me and v comfy

**mj:** That reminds me can I have my hoodie back?

**underoos:** lmao no ive already claimed that hoodie as my own

**hats:**  Thats true

**hats:**  Peter claimed that hoodie as his own

**mj:** Damn, i guess im not getting my sweater back either?

**underoos:** lmao nope

**kween:** why do you only steal hoodies and sweaters???

**underoos:** cause one they are vvvvv compfy and two because mj and ned are bigger than me so the sleeves are longer so i can just hit people with them and play innocent cause who could blame little ol me in a big sweater

**mj:** He does that to Tony a lot.

**kween:** why am i not surprised

**kween:** this blanket is only the beginning im going a l l out on peters birthday and shit

**underoos:** d, dont

**hats:** ngl but peter does deserve to have nice things

**underoos:** akfkskfsk why are yall gaining up on me?? ive done nothing wrong :(((

**mj:** Too bad Peter, perish

**underoos:** :((((((((

**underoos:** i came here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked

**underoos:** like, i made this gc so yall can meet and so that i can love yall but youre really making my buttered eggrolls dry

**mj:** Why does that make sense

**hats:** Its because its relatable

**kween:** i can butter your eggrolls beter ;))))

**underoos:** no thank, im a child of Godtm

**hats:** Peter everyday you ask me if god could just dick you down

**underoos:** listen, multiple people see him as different things and i see him as a hot man/woman like god 

**kween:** youre so gay

**underoos:** bi actually but yes

**mj:** Ned, Peter we're going to be late for school if you don't get your asses moving soon.

**hats:** Oh fuck youre right, nice meeting you shuri!!!

**underoos:** o fuckfallfslflsf

**underoos:** bye bye shuri love you!!!

**kween:** love you too!!!

**underoos:** remind me to change our nicknames here when i get a chance!!!

**mj:** Hurry up Peter.

**underoos:** IM GOING

**[underoos, hats, and mj are now offline] (7:45 am)**

**[kween is now offline] (7:56 am)**


	2. what a mad lad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is a mad lad and mj is thoroughly done with this bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to toosofttobutch for the chapter idea!

**[kween is now online] (6:13 am)**

**kween:** peter you absolute mad lad

**[underoos is now online] (6:14 am)**

**underoos:** ;)

**[hats and mj is now online] (6:16 am)**

**mj:** What is Peter doing now?

 **hats:** Check his snap chat story

 **mj:** Alright, I'll be right back.

 **kween:** akjfksfj sis you aint afraid of being caught by someone???

 **kween:** not flash???

 **underoos:** flash can suck my dick no one can get in my way of this happening

 **mj:** Peter, two questions. Why is there a dog in your backpack and what are you planning?

 **underoos:** HAVE YOU NEVER MET SANDWICH YET????????????

 **mj:** Did you honest to God name the dog Sandwich?

 **underoos:** ,,,,y , es??

 **mj:** That is the dumbest name I've ever heard for a dog

 **hats:** Please dont disrespect my godchild like that mj

 **kween:** god you are not gonna like toast then

 **hats:** Toast????

 **underoos:** sandwiches sister!!!! 

 **underoos:** evenlytoasted.jpg

 **hats:** That is a very good dog

 **mj:** And please tell me why you named the other dog Toast?

 **underoos:** lets get this bread gamers

 **mj:** Please tell me that there are no other bread named animals

 **mj:** Also Peter, I am now legally allowed to kill you for that comment

 **kween:** i guess you wont like sub then :///

 **hats:** Whos sub??? :000

 **underoos:** a goat that i cuddled with in wakanda!!!

 **underoos:** notexactlyafootlong.jpg

 **mj:** Going back to the original topic, why the fuck are you bringing Sandwich to school Peter?

 **underoos:** i feel like i havent been spending enough time with her and that makes me feel bad cause i love sandwich lots and every time i have to leave her with nat cause i have to school or some place where i cant take him, he gives me these big ol puppy dog eyes and i can feel my heart b r e a k in two cause i cant bring him with but today i thought 'yea, today is gonna be a bring your son to school day' my son is going to become e d u c a t e d!

 **underoos:** please dont rat me out!!! sandwich will be a good boy!!! hell be super quiet, ill feed him the food from lunch which might not be the healthiest but ill only do it as a treat and im p sure that i have some dog food in my bag!! lets hope he doesnt get into that

 **mj:** What are going to do about when Sandwich has to use the bathroom?

 **underoos:** ive snuck out of school before, it shouldnt be that hard!

**[underoos changed mj's name to mom_friend]**

**kween:** accurate

 **hats:** Did we all just adopt mj as our mom friend??

 **underoos:** yes

 **mom_friend:** Please no, 

 **mom_friend:** I'm not going to be kissing any boo-boos for you three 

 **underoos:** what if i said that i forgot my lunch?

 **mom_friend:** You are really pushing my buttons Parker.

 **kween:** oh shit she pulled the last name

 **underoos:** o fuck

 **mom_friend:** Oh fuck is right Parker, now get to school.

 **underoos:** yes maam 

**[underoos is now offline] (6:45 am)**

**mom_friend:** You too Leeds,

**[hats is now offline] (6:47 am)**

**kween:** i, im just gonna go now,,,

 **mom_friend:** Smart choice princess.

**[kween is now offline] (6:49 am)**

**[mom_friend is now offline] (6:51 am)**

**[kween is now online] (12:15 pm)**

**kween:** yo petey

**[underoos is now online] (12:16 pm)**

**underoos:** ye???

 **kween:** two things

 **kween:** one how is our son doing right now?

 **underoos:** lunchtime.jpg

 **underoos:** doing good!!! hes just sitting on my lap now as he eats his food out of my hand cause he doesnt want to be set down

 **kween:**  me too tbh

 **kween:** number two, mj is fucking s c a r y 

 **underoos:** lmao yea, you can understand how it took ned and i months to get over how scary she was and actually attempt to befriend her

 **underoos:** or well, she just stated that we were friends and ned and i just accepted it.

**[mom_friend is now online] (12:20 pm)**

**mom_friend:** I'm not that scary,

 **underoos:** you kinda are but like no tea no shade

 **mom_friend:** Finish eating Peter, I know that you have a higher metabolism. Don't just feed Sandwich.

 **underoos:** :((( but he needs to be fed!!!!

 **kween:** another two things,

 **mom_friend:** Shoot,

 **kween:** wheres ned and mj is such a good mom friend

 **underoos:** ned is in class now, hell join us in a few minutes and i agree, mj is a g r e a t mom friend!!! 

 **mom_friend:** Thank you you two. 

 **underoos:** uwuwu

**[hats is now online] (12:29 pm)**

**hats:** PETER MR. HARRINGTON JUST PULLED ME ASIDE AND ASKED ME IF YOU HAVE A DOG IN YOUR BACKPACK

 **underoos:** JSKFSKFKJS AND WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?????????????/

 **kween:** b lease dont tell me that you ratted my son and husband out

 **hats:** Im not that cruel >:(

 **underoos:** SO WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM

 **hats:** I JUST TOLD HIM THAT YOU SENT ME A PICTURE OF YOUR DOG IN YOUR BAG THIS MORNING BUT IT WAS AN OLD PHOTO

 **mom_friend:** I told you that this would of happened if you brought Sandwich to school Peter.

 **underoos:** i know but look how happy he looks

 **underoos:** he likes spending time with him!!! he has such a pr e tty smile like i would do a n y t h i n g for sandwich and i hope that everyone knows this!

 **underoos:** OH FUCK THATS A TEACHER!

 **hats:** OH FUCK

 **kween:** WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO

 **underoos:** STUFF HIM IN MY HOODIE!!! HES SMALL ENOUGH!

 **mom_friend:** You three are absolute idiots. Peter, you're just the biggest idiot out of them.

 **underoos:** yea thats understandable. 

 **underoos:** i think hes gone now!!

 **hats:** peekaboo.jpg

 **kween:** my brother just walked in and asked me why i was crying and i just showed him this photo

 **kween:** i love sandwich

 **underoos:** yea me too!!

 **underoos:** do you love him mj???

 **mom_friend:** I won't deny it.

 **underoos:** !!!!!!!!!

 **hats:** Ope, we have class now dudes,

 **kween:** :(((((

 **kween:** im gonna be lonely now :(((

 **underoos:** :((( im gonna let sandwich out ill brb

 **underoos:** bye bye shuri, ill face time you tonight!!

 **kween:** alright!!! 

**[underoos, hats, and mom_friend are now offline] (12:55 pm)**

**[kween is now offline] (12:57 pm)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consider leaving a kudos, a comment, and maybe even an idea for a future chatper!


	3. soft boy hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is a soft boy but also an idiot

**[hats is now online] (2:12 pm)**

**hats:**  While peter is currently in class lets change his name to something more fitting

**[hats changed underoos's name to soft_boi]**

**hats:**  Thats much more fitting

**[kween is now online] (2:16 pm)**

**kween:** while you are right, please explain your reasonings

 **hats:** hesblind.jpg

 **kween:** akfjskfls im making that my home screen

 **hats:** Bold of you to assume that peter hasnt been my home screen A N D lock screen for years

 **kween:** you are right, i am a fo o l 

 **kween:** but i thought that peter didnt need glasses cause of the spider bite???

 **hats:** When peter was younger he did need glasses cause he had h o r r i b l e vision but he was too poor?? to actually get the glasses he needed so he got a pretty cheap one but it was still bad

 **hats:** He still needs them from time to time but h ates wearing them cause he says they make him look like a dork

 **kween:** h, he always looks like a dork

 **hats:** Of course he does

**[mom_friend is now online] (2:21 pm)**

**mom_friend:** I sensed that we were making fun of Peter and I want to join.

 **kween:** were just calling him a dork cause he wears glasses

 **mom_friend:** It's better than nothing. So do please continue

 **kween:** aight??? anway lets agree that beter is cute as fuck

 **hats:** I agree

 **hats:** Do you mj???

 **mom_friend:** I won't say no.

 **kween:** b, blease feed me pictures of b e ter

 **mom_friend:** Sleeby.jpg

 **kween:** oh fuck me sideways 

 **kween:** thats so fucking cute

 **hats:** I agree 

 **hats:** When did this happen?

 **mom_friend:** When we were returning from DC.

 **hats:** What the fuck where was i

 **mom_friend:**  It was when Peter says he needed time alone.

 **hats:** Tea

**[soft_boi is now online] (3:10 pm)**

**soft_boi:** hello uwu

 **soft_boi:** two things

 **soft_boi:** one i sense someone is making fun of me

 **soft_boi:** two who the fuck changed my name its totally fake like idk if yall seen me before but i could kill a man if i wanted to but like not that i ever will 

 **kween:** you not being soft??? dont make me laugh peter

 **soft_boi:** :((((

 **kween:** beter you cried when toast barked at you

 **soft_boi:** s, she was just so cute :,(((

 **kween:** thats understandable cause she is cute

 **soft_boi:** and you call me soft

 **kween:** thats cause you are

 **soft_boi:** >:(

 **soft_boi:** this isnt very sicko mode of you

 **mom_friend:** Despite me being the same age as you two the way that you talk makes me feel like an actual 89 year old who complains about teenagers being glued to their screens.

 **hats:** But you do yell at us for being on our phones

 **soft_boi:** its because you are old mj

 **mom_friend:**  If I wasn't the mom friend I would beat your ass.

 **mom_friend:**  But I can say this. Peter you are now legally allowed to die because of that comment

 **soft_boi:** finally

 **mom_friend:** Wait no,

 **soft_boi:** its too late im already about to drink bleach but because im a white chick its pumpkin spice

 **kween:** beter no :(((

 **hats:** Please no!!! :((( 

 **kween:** what would i tell your children

 **soft_boi:** fuck youre right

 **kween:** i know

**[soft_boi changed kween's name to soft_gorl]**

**soft_gorl:** peter youre a bitch

 **soft_boi:** takes a bitch to know a bitch bitch

 **mom_friend:** Why did I read the word bitch so many times

 **hats:** Now im lonely, i want a cool name too!!!

 **soft_boi:** absolutly love!!!!

 **hats:**  Best thing about peter is that he sometimes people love and darling

 **soft_gorl:** he has n e v e r called me that

 **mom_friend:** He's never called me any of those either

 **hats:**  Wow you two are really missing out on super soft peter

**[soft_boi changed hats's name to wonderful_boi]**

**wonderful_boi:** I feel so honored!!! Like im out here in tears

 **soft_boi:** uwu

 **softboi:** im going to scadaddle now!!! bye bye loves!!!

**[softboi is now offline] (3:21 pm)**

**wonderful_boi:** God peter is so soft

 **soft_gorl:** so soft

 **mom_friend:** Can't argue that claim. 

**[soft_gorl, wonderful_boi, and mom_friend is now offline] (3:25 pm)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao im out here having s t r e p t h r o a t like a goddamn bitch also sorry its so short :((


	4. theyre gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is spilling some fucking real tea none of yall can change our mind and were a little tired from school so blease be soft on us :((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i think im gonna make this ned/peter/mj but its gonna be on the down low i say as im gonna write 'soft_boi: yall im gay for my gorlf and boyf'
> 
> but idk, so blease put your input uwu

**[soft_boi is now online] (4:01 am)**

**soft_boi:** would everyone please come online this is very important and no one can change my mind

 **soft_boi:** but i need someone to ask me for my sources 

 **soft_boi:** yall are homophobic how fucking dare you not listen to me and the words of the lord

 **soft_boi:** the lord is me so fucking l i s t e n to me

**[soft_gorl is now online] (5:02 am)**

**soft_gorl:** peter go to f u ck to sleep

 **soft_boi:** no this is very important and i need someone to listen to me

 **soft_gorl:** im not the one whos gonna listen

 **soft_gorl:** good night bitch

**[soft_gorl is now offline] (5:05 am)**

**soft_boi:** bitch

 **soft_boi:**  at least she said good night uwu

 **soft_boi:** oh fuck i forgot we have a paper due oh shit 

 **soft_boi:** fuckfu ckufkc fuck 

 **soft_boi:** time to crunch out a fucking essay 

 **soft_boi:** in the fucking two hours i have until school starts and this fucking thing is due

 **soft_boi:** god why didnt mj make me do it sooner

 **soft_boi:** fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

 **soft_boi:** yall are gonna be mad at me now :(((

**[soft_boi is now offline] (5:17 am)**

**[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (7:04 am)**

**mom_friend:** Peter where the fuck are you? You're going to be late for school

 **wonderful_boy:** Why arent you picking up peter?

**[soft_boi is now online] (7:08 am)**

**soft_boi:** fuckufuck fuck fuck i fell asleep fuckuck fuck

 **mom_friend:** Did you stay up all night again? 

 **soft_boi:** ,,,, yea

 **soft_boi:** blease dont be mad at me tho

 **wonderful_boy:** Was it spiderman business? 

 **soft_boi:** no i had too much homework to do to even go out

 **soft_boi:** i didnt even finish all of it and my teachers are gonna be mad at me :(((

 **mom_friend:** What more do you have to do?

 **soft_boi:** i still have to finish this paper 

 **mom_friend:** How much more to do?

 **soft_boi:** idk i think a body paragraph or two and the conclusion

 **soft_boi:** im so tired 

 **soft_boi:** i just wanna skip school and take a nap :((

 **wonderful_boy:** Im sure that mr stark would understand if you missed one day

 **wonderful_boy:** Its friday so it doesnt really matter

 **soft_boi:** it does matter tho, ive missed so much school and hgnnn 

 **soft_boi:** im just gonna crank it out on the subway and hope that my teacher doesnt get mad at me :(

 **wonderful_boy:** I believe in you sweaty

 **mom_friend:** You're doing great Peter, you'll finish it in time.

 **mom_friend:** Plus, your English classes isn't until after lunch so if you need help just ask

 **soft_boi:** will i be able to nap on one of yall 

 **mom_friend:** Only if you finish your essay.

 **soft_boi:** !!!!!!!!

 **soft_boi:** really???

 **mom_friend:** Yes but you have to finish your essay first.

 **soft_boi:** god i love you so much mj

 **wonderful_boy:** What about me????

 **soft_boi:** god i love you too!!!

 **wonderful_boy:** !!!!

 **wonderful_boy:** So im just rereading back to your messages back a few hours ago and whats the tea you need to spill?

 **soft_boi:** are yall ready to listen to the word of the lord?

 **soft_boi:** aka me???

 **mom_friend:** Please do not take long, you still have that essay to write.

 **soft_boi:** fine, ill make it quick

 **soft_boi:** so i was rereading the great gatsby cause im big gay and god nick and gatsby were so gay for eachother

 **soft_boi:** like the subtext is so gay??? and no man would describe gatsby like that without saying no homo

 **soft_boi:** im looking at you nick

 **wonderful_boi:** I can see where youre coming from

 **mom_friend:** I mean, it makes sense?

 **soft_boi:** see??? 

 **soft_boi:** do you think my english teacher will give me extra credit if i write an alternate ending to the book?? but make it lowkey gay without tell her???

 **wonderful_boy:** I fully support you peter

 **soft_boi:** uwu!!!

 **soft_boi:** whats your opinion mj???

 **mom_friend:** Honestly, I'm not going to say no to your dreams.

 **soft_boi:** !!!!

 **mom_friend:** But,

 **soft_boi:** i knew that this was going to happen :((

 **mom_friend:** You need to finish your schoolwork before you do anything else.

 **soft_boi:** yea that makes sense

 **soft_boi:** im at school now and i have half a paragraph left to write and the conclusion!!!

 **soft_boi:** oh fuck i forgot to do the spanish book illustrations,,,,

 **mom_friend:** One thing at a time Peter, don't stress yourself out over things. 

 **wonderful_boy:** We can do a study/work night tonight!!

 **soft_boi:** !!!!! im down

 **mom_friend:** Works for me.

 **soft_boi:** !!!!! oh shit im gonna be late for homeroom, ah fuck

 **wonderful_boy:** Run peter run!!!!

 **soft_boi:** im going!!!!!

**[mom_friend, wonderful_boy and soft_boi are now offline] (7:45 am)**

**[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (12:34 pm)**

**wonderful_boy:** sleeby.png

 **wonderful_boy:** God hes really stressed out about everything rn

 **mom_friend:** He really is and I feel bad because we can't really do anything.

 **wonderful_boy:** Not really but i guess we can be there for him and help him when he needs it

 **mom_friend:** He's such an idiot, these teachers are fucking stupid.

 **mom_friend:** I don't know why they can't see that us students are stressed out about all the school work they give us.

 **wonderful_boy:** Its really stupid :((

 **mom_friend:** I should edit his essay for him shouldn't I?

 **wonderful_boy:** Itll help him alot

 **mom_friend:** Don't tell him though,

 **mom_friend:** He'll feel guilty and would want to repay me back.

 **wonderful_boy:** Got it.

**[wonderful_boy and mom_friend are now offline] (12:56 pm)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive just seen captain marvel and holy shittttttttttttttt im gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy


	5. part two of peter is a disney princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is a disney princess and someone new joins the gc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> harley finally shows up!!! the moment that everyone has been waiting for!!

**[soft_boi, soft_gorl, wonderful_boy, and mom_friend are now online] (5:04 am)**

**soft_boi:** so mr stark wants me to add someone new to our cult

 **soft_gorl:** reason

 **soft_boi:** apparently hes around our age, smart(tm), and an old friend of mr stark so he wants us to be friends??

 **soft_boi:** so thats why i called the council together

 **mom_friend:** Why are we called the council Peter?

 **soft_boi:** cause we all get together to make decisions whether they are good or bad

 **wonderful_boy:** Lmao makes sense

 **soft_boi:** so are we gonna add him in??

 **soft_gorl:** hmmmmmmmmm whats his name

 **soft_boi:** apparently harley???

 **mom_friend:** I mean if Tony wants you to add him then you should.

 **soft_boi:** mr stark wants me to do a lot of things yet i dont do them

 **wonderful_boy:** Examples

 **soft_boi:** not die

 **soft_gorl:** lmao yea peter youre really bad at doing that

 **soft_boi:** it be like that sometimes

 **mom_friend:** But it shouldn't

 **soft_gorl:** but it do

 **wonderful_boy:** So were adding him in?

 **soft_boi:** i guess???

 **soft_boi:** if thats fine by yall

 **soft_gorl:** its fine by me

 **wonderful_boy:** Rt

 **mom_friend:** I'm also fine with it but I'm not going to be his mom friend, I can barely handle you Peter.

 **mom_friend:** Ned is easy to handle,

 **wonderful_boi:** Nice

 **soft_gorl:** what about me???

 **mom_friend:** You're like Peter but a little better because you don't risk your life 24/7.

 **soft_gorl:** ill take it

 **soft_boi:** H E Y >:(

 **soft_boi:** i take offence to that

 **mom_friend:** Then stop trying to kill yourself every night.

 **soft_boi:** but you love me uwu

 **mom_friend:**  Yea, I unfortunately do.

 **soft_boi:** wait really???

 **mom_friend:** Yes Peter,

 **soft_boi:** holy sh it 

 **wonderful_boy:** God peter youre really dense

 **wonderful_boy:** She told us this last night when we were looking at tattoos

 **soft_boi:** W H A T

 **soft_boi:** I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST SAYING THAT PLATONIC LIKE LIKE I DO TO SHURI

 **mom_friend:**  You know that I don't give out 'I love you's out so easily

 **soft_boi:** what the fuc k 

 **soft_gorl:** god peter youre fucking dense

 **soft_boi:** shut up >:(((

 **soft_gorl:** a n y w a y as much as i love a good relationship becoming a thing(?) can we get back to business

 **soft_boi:** oh right!!! adding harley!!!

**[soft_boi added gunner to fwiends]**

**soft_gorl:** welcome to hell bitch

 **mom_friend:** Shuri I swear to God.

 **soft_gorl:** /s w e a t s/

 **mom_friend:** I take everything back about I said about you being better than Peter.

 **soft_boi:** H  A

 **soft_boi:** W A I T

 **soft_boi:** >:O

 **wonderful_boy:** How did you type that all so quick

 **soft_boi:** i have fast fingers

 **soft_gorl:** ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 **soft_boi:** SHUT 

 **gunner:** did i come at a bad time?

 **wonderful_boy:** You think this is a bad time?

 **gunner:** its in that category

 **soft_boi:** heheh cat-egory

 **mom_friend:** Peter what are you planning,

 **soft_boi:** /s w e a t s/ 

 **soft_boi:** N O T H I N G

 **wonderful_boy:**  If you think this is bad you should wait until it actually gets bad

 **gunner:** should i be afraid?

 **wonderful_boy:** Just a little,

 **gunner:** oh god

 **soft_boi:** ned can i have one of your hoodies today???

 **wonderful_boy:** No, you already have a shit ton of my hoodies

 **wonderful_boy:** You dont need more of them

 **soft_boi:** :(((((

 **soft_boi:** mj can i have one of your hoodies?

 **mom_friend:** No, you also have a shit ton of my hoodies.

 **soft_gorl:** god yall are not even together and youre already fucking disgusting

 **gunner:** im a little confused on who is who

 **soft_boi:** oh!!! sorry harley!!!

 **soft_boi:** im peter!!! you probably already knew that cause mr stark gave you my number

 **soft_gorl:** im shuri

 **wonderful_boy:** Im ned

 **mom_friend:** I'm MJ

 **soft_boi:** ONCE AGAIN WHY CAN HE CALL YOU MJ RIGHT NOW

 **mom_friend:** Peter please let me finish my message before you get upset.

 **soft_boi:** sorry,,,

 **mom_friend:** But only my friends can call me MJ.

 **soft_gorl:** or if your worthy like me!!!

 **mom_friend:** I can remove that claim at anytime.

 **soft_gorl:** shutting up now 

 **gunner:** so what can i call you?

 **mom_friend:** MJ I guess but not in a buddy way.

 **gunner:** got it.

 **gunner:** why does everyone have soft names?

 **wonderful_boy:** Well, peter here is extremely soft so he changed our names cause he didnt want to be alone

 **soft_boi:** thats now what happened

 **soft_gorl:** you must be tried into the soft name cult

 **gunner:** how come mj doesnt have a soft name?

 **wonderful_boy:** Its soft for her

 **gunner:** how does one get tried into this cult

 **soft_gorl:** it must come to you

 **gunner:** alright????

 **mom_friend:** Peter, Ned, you're going to be late for school.

 **wonderful_boy:** Im on my way!!!

**[wonderful_boy is now offline] (7:43 am)**

**soft_boi:** AH FUC K 

 **soft_boi:** A H SHTI

 **soft_boi:** IM COMING MJ!!!!

 **soft_gorl:** god you are a mess

 **soft_boi:** PLEASE DONT COME FOR ME LIKE THAT

 **soft_gorl:** then stop being late to school

 **soft_boi:** EAT MY ENTIRE D I K C

 **gunner:** god you two are a mess

 **soft_boi:** PLEASE LEAVE ME AL ONE

 **mom_friend:** School Peter.

 **soft_boi:** IM GOING!!!

**[mom_friend and soft_boi are now offline] (7:56 am)**

**[gunner and soft_gorl are now offline] (7:57 am)**

**[mom_friend is now online] (12:03 pm)**

**mom_friend:** Peter, did your hoodie just meow?

**[soft_boi is now online] (12:05 pm)**

**soft_boi:** n, no

 **mom_friend:** Peter,

 **soft_boi:** it,,, maybe???

 **mom_friend:** Show me,

 **soft_boi:** hold on ned has a photo, ill drag him on

**[wonderful_boy is now online] (12:10 pm)**

**soft_boi:** please show mj the photo

 **wonderful_boy:** She found out didnt she?

 **soft_boi:** m, my hoodie may have meowed

 **wonderful_boy:** peteretcat.png

 **mom_friend:** why do you have a hairless cat

 **soft_boi:** aint she cute????

 **wonderful_boy:** She lowkey looks like a nutsack

 **soft_boi:** >:O

 **soft_boi:** this is homophobia

 **mom_friend:** You're bi.

 **soft_boi:** SAME THING

 **mom_friend:** You've still haven't answered my question

 **soft_boi:** oh sorry!!!

 **soft_boi:** i just found her in the alley way near my apartment 

 **mom_friend:** And instead of turning back home to put her in your apartment you decided to bring her to school?

 **mom_friend:** Peter you've already brought Sandwich to school!

 **soft_boi:** well if i turned back i was gonna be late for school and then you should be mad at me! >:<

 **mom_friend:** God Peter, what am I going to do with you.

 **soft_boi:** love me??

 **mom_friend:** Apparently

 **soft_boi:** uwuwuwuw

**[soft_boi, mom_friend, and wonderful_boi are now offline] (12:50 pm)**

**[gunner is now online] (3:03 pm)**

**gunner:** i feel like im missing a lot

**[soft_gorl is now online] (3:06 pm)**

**soft_gorl:** oh you are

 **gunner:** okay????

**[gunner and soft_gorl are now offline] (3:10 pm)**


	6. the most valid chapter in this whole story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad + harley align themselves with the hogwarts houses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im offically on spring break so ill be able to write more often!! also its so short :(((( i wanted to write more but i just c o u l d nt you know???

**[soft_boi is now online] (7:34 am)**

**soft_boi:** this just in i love ned and mj

**soft_gorl:** this is old news beter we been knew

**soft_boi:** mayhaps 

**soft_boi:** but this is so important just everyone needs to know and f u ck

**soft_boi:** they have no right to be this fucking c u t e

**[mom_friend is now online] (7:40 am)**

**mom_friend:** All we're doing is making breakfast Peter.

**soft_boi:** i know but you and ned are just so fucking soft rn!! and i can hear you softly singing and wowie my heart is really beating fast!!!

**mom_friend:** Fuck I thought you wouldn't be able to hear me.

**soft_boi:** i have heightened senses mj!!

**soft_gorl:** this is disgusting

**soft_gorl:** yall better stop

**soft_boi:** no!!! lemme show my love!!!!

**gunner:**  so im guessing that peter asked yall out???

**soft_boi:** why were you ghosting us

**soft_boi:** also 'yall'

**soft_gorl:** you say yall all the time peter so shut your fuck

**soft_boi:** fuck you

**mom_friend:** Peter breakfast is ready.

**soft_boi:** B R E A K F A ST

**soft_boi:** HOLY sHIT BELGIAN WAFFLES HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**soft_boi:** MJ I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

**soft_boi:** YOU MAKE MY HEART GO UWUWU

**soft_gorl:** D I S G U S T A N G

**gunner:** yea this is lowkey gross,,,

**soft_boi:** HSUH

**soft_boi:** I CANT BELEIVE THAT YALL ARE COMING FOR ME WHNE MY S/OS MADE BREAKFAST

**gunner:** why are you so domestic when youve only been dating for like,,, a hour

**mom_friend:** I would just like to say that Peter asked us out when he was half asleep and supposedly in pain because he hit his ankle on his scooter.

**soft_gorl:** can we get a f in the chat boys?

**soft_boi:** ah fuck i cant believe  you done this mj

**mom_friend:** The masses wanted to know

**soft_boi:** idk if you can count harley and shuri the masses

**mom_friend:** Come eat your waffles Peter.

**soft_boi:** WAFFLE TIME!!!

**[mom_friend and soft_boi are now offline] (8:04 am)**

**[gunner and soft_gorl are now offline] (8:05 am)**

**[soft_boi is now online] (7:33 pm)**

**soft_boi:** q, question,,,

**[mom_friend, wonderful_boy, soft_gorl and gunner are now online] (7:35 pm)**

**mom_friend:** Is it that important that you needed to pause Harry Potter?

**soft_boi:** kinda???

**soft_boi:** i just wanna know everyones hp houses

**soft_gorl:** slytherin

**gunner:** ravenclaw

**wonderful_boy:** Also ravenclaw

**mom_friend:** I'm Gryffindor.

**soft_boi:** yea i see that

**gunner:** what are you peter?

**mom_friend:** He's a Hufflepuff.

**wonderful_boy:** One of the biggest hufflepuffs ive seen in my life

**soft_boi:** sorry i just love loving people

**mom_friend:** Sometimes loving people is a little too much

**mom_friend:** Just yesterday you got hurt

**soft_boi:** H IS HF

**soft_boi:** I DIDNT PLAN ON GETTING HURT

**soft_gorl:** tea?

**soft_boi:** no

**soft_gorl:** :(((

**gunner:** i havent known shuri long but im surprised that shes slytherin

**gunner:** i always pegged her as a ravenclaw

**soft_boi:** shuri is a full blooded s n a k e 

**soft_gorl:** that is infact true tea

**gunner:** but i heard from tony that shes smart???

**soft_gorl:** the snake is bigger than the brain

**soft_boi:** wow, poetic cinema

**wonderful_boy:**  You say that all the time when you see mj

**soft_boi:** and you are right have you seen her???

**wonderful_boy:** Youre right i am a foolg

**gunner:** why is mj gryffindor?

**soft_boi:** cause she would infact get into fights

**soft_boi:** although verbal and not exactly fights she will verbally slam someone down cold heartedly

**mom_friend:** I do it because Peter is too much of a Hufflepuff.

**soft_boi:** i dont like fighting people!!!!

**mom_friend:** Sure Jan.

**wonderful_boy:** Blease dont come for him like this mj

**mom_friend:** Only if Peter stops being a dumbass.

**soft_gorl:** damb ned tried so hard to fight for your honor peter

**soft_boi:** im not a dumbass a l l the time!!!

**soft_boi:** only the majority of the time

**gunner:** ????

**soft_gorl:** this is tea for a later time in your life

**soft_gorl:** you are just too young to know 

**gunner:** im older than all of yall???

**soft_gorl:** debatable

**gunner:** no????

 


	7. sweaters/hoodies go missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and peter makes a new discovery

**[mom_friend and soft_boi are now online] (6:23 pm)**

**mom_friend:** Peter I love you but please stop putting your hands on my face, your hands are extremely cold

 **soft_boi:** but have you considered that you are tol and i wanna kiss(tm)

 **mom_friend:** Could you not just ask me to bend down?

 **mom_friend:** Or go on your tip-toes? You're not that shorter than me.

 **soft_boi:** let me love you you meanie >:(

**[wonderful_boy is now online] (6:28 pm)**

**wonderful_boy:** I can not believe that my datemates are being cute without me >:///

 **wonderful_boy:** I walk into my own kitchen to get a drink and to wonder where my datemates went cause they only went to make popcorn and here they are, being fucking cute with peter on mjs back while she kinda just stands there.

 **wonderful_boy:** Well jokes on them i got a shit ton of cute photos of them!

 **soft_boi:** ah fuck i cant believe youve done this

 **mom_friend:** Please share them with me.

 **wonderful_boy:** Absolutely!!!! 

 **soft_boi:** KFSKFKSFKSFK SISIF

 **soft_boi:** M J

 **mom_friend:** What? I'll never turn down a photo of you being soft.

 **soft_boi:** KFSKFKJSF 

 **mom_friend:** It's not my fault that you're so soft

 **soft_boi:** mayhaps but you dont have to do it in public

**[soft_gorl is now online] (6:36 pm)**

**soft_gorl:** can yall not be gross in the main gc??

 **soft_boi:** no, i will be gay as i want with my datemates where ever i damn please you bitch

 **soft_gorl:** at least do your gayness in your own gc bitch

 **soft_boi:**  hgnnnn fine but after this ill go be gay alone with them ;))))))))

 **soft_gorl:** you are literal garbage peter

 **soft_gorl:** absolute nasty boy

 **soft_boi:** sis ive been knew

 **soft_boi:** a n y w a y 

 **soft_boi:** mj i have a very important question to ask you

 **mom_friend:** What is it?

 **wonderful_boy:** Peter please dont,,,

 **soft_boi:** :)))

 **soft_boi:** mj will you marry me

 **wonderful_boy:** KSFKSKFJ PETER YOU BROKE HER

 **soft_boi:** MJ PLEASE DONT THROW ME OFF YOUR BACK 

 **mom_friend:** WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO MARRY ME

 **soft_boi:** CAUSE I LOVE YOU???? IS THAT REASON GOOD ENOUGH

 **mom_friend:** NED DO YOU KNOW THE REASON

 **wonderful_boy:** OF COURSE I DO HE TEXTED ME THIS LATE LAST NIGHT

 **mom_friend:** PLEASE TELL ME

 **wonderul_boy:** IF HE TAKES YOUR LAST NAME HIS INITIALS WILL BE P.B.J

 **mom_friend:** PETER ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

 **mom_friend:** STOP LAUGHING YOU'RE STILL ON MY BACK

 **soft_gorl:** KFKSKFSKJF PETER YOURE A DUMBASS

 **soft_boi:** MJ PLEASE ITS MY FAVORITE SANDWICH DDDD:::

 **soft_boi:** i just felt you sigh for a really long time, sorry for make you mad :(((

 **mom_friend:** I'm not mad but it's a little early to ask to marry me.

 **soft_boi:** so eventually my initials will be p.b.j????

 **mom_friend:** Perhaps.

 **soft_boi:** !!!!!!!!!!!

 **soft_gorl:** disgustang

 **soft_gorl:** im just gonna drink sewage now

 **soft_gorl:** yall are disgusting

 **soft_boi:** youre just jealous that youre not us

 **soft_gorl:** D I S G U S T A N G ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

**[soft_gorl is now offline] (6:56 pm)**

**wonderful_boy:** FUCK THE POPCORN IS BURNT

 **wonderul_boy:** PETER ISNT ALLOWED TO MAKE IT ANYMORE

 **soft_boi:** IT WASNT MY FAULT THAT MJ WAS DISTRACTING ME

 **mom_friend:** It's not even that burnt?

 **soft_boi:** im glad that mj is on my side!!!

 **soft_boi:** but ill make you another bag if you dont like it 

 **wonderful_boy:** !!!!!!!!! Really???

 **soft_boi:** of course!!!

 **soft_boi:** ill do it if mj stops distracting me!

 **mom_friend:** You and your cold hands were the ones that started it all.

 **soft_boi:** mayhaps but youre starting this one right now 

 **mom_friend:** Fine, I'll go cuddle with Ned.

 **wonderful_boy:** Im fine with that!

 **soft_boi:** >:///

 **soft_boi:** fine but please take the popcorn into the living room, ill be done with this one soon wuuw

 **mom_friend:** You're so soft Peter.

 **wonderful_boy:** Hes gotta live up to his name

 **soft_boi:** uwuuwuwuw

**[mom_friend, soft_boi, and wonderful_boy are now offline] (7:13 pm)**

**[mom_friend is now online] (5:45 am)**

**mom_friend:** Peter you took all of my hoodies.

 **mom_friend:** And by all of them I mean ALL of them Peter.

 **mom_friend:** I'm not mad at you for taking them but please at least bring one to school cause it's supposed to be colder today.

**[wonderful_boy is now online] (5:48 am)**

**wonderful_boy:** Yea you took all of mine too but you can keep some of them, ill just wear a sweater today.

**[soft_boi is now online] (5:53 am)**

**soft_boi:** i have no clue what youre talking about

 **mom_friend:** Peter please dont play dumb

 **soft_boi:** idk what a hoodie even I S so could you please describe what it is???

 **soft_boi:** also mj, im always dumb

 **soft_boi:** ,,,, but,,,,, ill bring you a hoodie 

 **mom_friend:** Thank you love,

 **soft_boi:** akfksfkskfjskf 

 **soft_boi:** do you need a hoodie too ned??

 **wonderful_boy:** Nah, ill just wear a sweater today if you didnt steal those either

 **soft_boi:** ,,,,,

 **wonderful_boy:** Please tell me that you didnt steal those either

 **soft_boi:** i mean,,, not yet???

 **soft_boi:** i gotta work my way up to snatching your clothes

 **mom_friend:** Next thing we'll know is that Peter will have our entire closests

 **soft_boi:** eventually if we ever move in together

 **soft_boi:** but i dont wanna jump,,, so like,,, yaknow???

 **mom_friend:** It's alright Peter, don't worry about it, we're still in high school.

 **wonderful_boy:** Lmao yall are still in highschool???

 **soft_boi:** N E D????!?!?!

 **soft_boi:** WHAT DOES THISN MENA

 **soft_boi:** BLWASE DONT TELL ME YOURE DROPPING OUT OF SCHOOl

 **wonderful_boy:** NO IM NOT DROPPING OUT IM SORRY FOR WORRYING YOU

 **soft_boi:** KJSFKSKFJ YOU MADE ME TEAR UP

 **wonderful_boy:** IM SORRY LOVE 

 **mom_friend:** Ned please don't give our boyfriend an anxiety attack this early in the morning.

 **wonderful_boy:** Sorry mj sorry peter :(((

 **soft_boi:** i forgive you wuwuwuwu

 **wonderful_boy:** !!!

 **mom_friend:** Peter, Ned we have to go remember?

 **soft_boi:** i dont wanna gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **mom_friend:** I'll let you hold my hand during lunch

 **soft_boi:** F U CK i L O  V E holding mjs hand!!!

 **soft_boi:** fine im coming!!!

**[soft_boi is now offline] (6:45 am)**

**wonderful_boy:** Lmao, hes so easy to bribe

 **mom_friend:** A simple man needs simple things

 **mom_friend:** And I guess that my hand is simple enough for Peter.

 **wonderful_boy:** True,

**[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now offline] (6:48 am)**

**[wonderful_boy, mom_friend, and soft_boi are now online] (7:45 am)**

**wonderful_boy:** Peter is that my hoodie?

 **soft_boi:** idk what a hoodie is ned, i thought i told you this

 **soft_boi:** also mj!!! heres yours!!!

 **mom_friend:** Peter why are you wearing Ned's hoodie?

 **wonderful_boy:** Im not mad i just wanna know

 **soft_boi:** lmao when you messaged me i was already wearing it so i didnt really wanna get changed again so i just,,,,didnt,,,,

 **wonderful_boy:** So you D O have all our hoodies

 **wonderful_boy:** Right,,,,??/

 **soft_boi:** i told you multiple(tm) times that i do not know what a hoodie is so if yall would kindly explain to me what that is

 **soft_boi:** o,ope,,,, theres the bell i gotta blast(tm)

 **mom_friend:** There was no bell Peter.

 **soft_boi:** okay yall,,, i gotta go to class,,,, love you two uwuwuw

**[soft_boi is now offline] (7:55 am)**

**wonderful_boy:** He most definetly has all our hoodies

 **mom_friend:** Of course he does, he isn't that subtle

 **mom_friend:** Plus, we're probably not going to do anything about besides slowly steal them back whenever we go to his apartment.

 **wonderful_boy:** True

 **wonderful_boy:** At the end of the day do you wanna trade photos we get of peter

 **mom_friend:** Oh absolutely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i lied, this ship took over this whole story and im sorry wuwu, im gonna try to get back to the more friendship part of it so blease leave suggestions for fun things they can all do


	8. disney time boyos!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang is all here!!! (blus a smidge of angst)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to IceIceSkaters for the idea!!! ive also never been to disney cause i am poor(tm) like,,, poverty poor to some degree uwuw

**[soft_boi, soft_gorl, gunner, mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (7:30 am)**

**soft_boi:** 'i dont wanna go mr stark' i say as i lay in my hospital bed, sick with small pox

 **soft_boi:** 'you'll be alright peter,' he says as he sets up a air purifier, hes setting up the essential oils

 **soft_boi:** hes practically shoving essentials oils down my throat

 **soft_boi:** i can feel my blood run cold, mr starts true colors have shown

 **soft_boi:** hes an anti-vaxxer

 **soft_boi:** as i die he only sets up more air purifiers around me hes practically making a summoning circle around me 

 **gunner:** peter are you acting this out in the kitchen???

 **soft_boi:** lmao yea i have an audience around me now, cant let them down

 **soft_gorl:** why is this actually good, like hes getting into this shit

 **mom_friend:** When did Shuri come into town?

 **soft_gorl:** a few days ago, ive just been chilling with peter and harley being dumbasses

 **gunner:** FRIDAY has been recording this to the lab apparently then cause mr stark just started to cry

 **wonderful_boy:** Damn, were out here missing a lot

 **mom_friend:** Peter please stop making anti-vax memes.

 **soft_boi:** i will not they are the only thing i have going for

 **wonderful_boy:** Normally i would me upsetti spaghetti but youre right, anti-vax memes are good

 **mom_friend:** I can not believe you two.

 **gunner:** hold up gamers, are we all in town???

 **soft_boi:** for the moment yes

 **gunner:** ???

 **gunner:** anyway, tony is getting annoyed with us so hes sending us away to disney for a day

 **gunner:** so hes forcing peter, shuri and i out of the tower

 **soft_gorl:** i havent done anything yet????

 **gunner:** he knows youre going to do something 

 **soft_boi:** ive done something wrong ill admit it

 **wonderful_boy:** Mj hurry up its really awkward down here

 **mom_friend:** It wouldn't be awkward if you knew how to pack your own suitcase. But please do come up here, I don't know what kind of shit you want to pack.

 **mom_friend:** Also Harley, please ask Tony how long we're staying.

 **gunner:** aight

 **gunner:** he says a week

 **mom_friend:** Alright thank you.

 **gunner:** np

 **mom_friend:** Also Harley, I'm not going to be your mom on this trip.

 **mom_friend:** So no dumb things. I can barely take care of my s/os

 **gunner:** i give no promises but i will try

 **mom_friend:**  I'll take it.

 **wonderful_boy:** Mj hurry up >:((((

 **wonderful_boy:** Also i call sitting next to peter on the plane

 **soft_boi:** fuck yes!!!! i love sitting next to ned!!!! uwuwu

 **gunner:** @ mj and ned, tony wants to know when yall are going to be here 

 **mom_friend:** Probably around 25 minutes if someone comes picks us up if not probably 45 minutes

 **gunner:** tony says happy will come and get you

 **mom_friend:** Alright, I guess we'll see you in 25 minutes.

 **mom_friend:** And Peter, please pack. I know that you're not.

 **soft_boi:** /s w e a t s/

 **soft_boi:** i guess that ill be packing uwuwuw but i know that ill be snatching your clothes uwuwuw

 **mom_friend:** Please at least pack pants, you just can't wear our sweaters.

 **soft_boi:** ;))))

 **soft_gorl:** S TO p

 **soft_gorl:** NOT IN MY CHRISTIAN GROUPCAHT

 **soft_boi:** FUCK YOU IM NOT CHRISTIAN YOU BOOB

 **soft_gorl:** FINE NOT IN MY WHATEVER FUCKING RELIGION YOU ARE

 **soft_boi:** ITS JEWISH IF YOU WANTED TO KNOW

 **soft_gorl:** NOT IN MY JEWISH GROUPCHAT

 **gunner:** THIS IS WHY TONY DOESNT WANT US AROUND THIS WEEK

 **soft_boi:** DR STARK CAN SUCK MY GOD DAMN DICK 

 **soft_gorl:** THIS IS WHY MOM DOESNT FUCKING LOVE YOU

 **wonderful_boy:** Mj just let out the saddest sigh and happy just looked at her through the rear view mirror and just said 'is it the kid' like nothing else but she nodded before shutting off her phone and putting her head in her hands

 **soft_boi:** tell her i love her

 **wonderful_boy:** I told her but all she said was 'fuck you parker'

 **soft_gorl:** is this true love god i hope i can find someone who treats me like this

 **soft_boi:** i mean theres a shit ton of goats in wakanda right???

 **soft_gorl:** shut the fuck up peter

 **soft_boi:** now i only need two more people to say the fuck word at me

 **wonderful_boy:** Were here!!!!!! 

 **soft_boi:** o god of fuck!!! 

 **gunner:** i was just going to ask why i just saw a blur of red until i read the messages

 **soft_gorl:** peter is stopping for no man until he reaches the s/os

 **gunner:** plane time gamers

 **soft_boi:** i will walk(tm)

 **mom_friend:** You're not going to be walking to Disney

 **soft_boi:** what about running?

 **mom_friend:** Peter the plane ride won't be that long. Knowing Tony he'll just give us a private jet so it won't take that long.

 **soft_boi:** hgngng fine,,,,

 **soft_boi:** ill be on in a bit, lemme just go grab a bottle of water

 **soft_gorl:** see you on the plan asshole

 **soft_boi:** uwuwuw 

**[mom_friend, soft_gorl, and gunner are now offline] (8:01 am)**

**wonderful_boy:** Are you gonna be okay peter???

 **soft_boi:** idk,,, i know that i shhould tell mj about this but shhghhg

 **soft_boi:** ill probably tell her soon but i dont want her to look down at me cause of this

 **wonderful_boy:**  You know that shes not going to look down at you because of this peter

 **wonderful_boy:** she really loves you alot you know

 **soft_boi:** i know but its just anxiety

 **wonderful_boy:**  Do you have that fidget cube???

 **soft_boi:** yea 

 **soft_boi:** im also gonna hold your hand a shit ton

 **wonderful_boy:** Im fine with that

 **soft_boi:** uwuwuwuu!!!

**[wonderful_boy and soft_boi are now offline] (8:09 am)**

**[soft_gorl, gunner and mom_friend are now online] (11:14 am)**

**mom_friend:** I know we've only been here for about a hour but where the fuck is Ned and Peter.

 **gunner:** a, are they not with us,,,,??

 **soft_gorl:** they just were with us???

 **soft_gorl:** hold up i just looked at peters snapchat story and im not surprised

 **mom_friend:** I'm not surprised either, but I didn tell them that we wouldn't go there until the end of the day.

 **mom_friend:** I guess we're walking there because if we leave those two there they will stay there all day 

 **soft_gorl:** can we go on the tea cup ride?????

 **mom_friend:** I don't see why not? But can we please get the boys first.

**[soft_boi and wonderful_boy are now online] (11:26 am)**

**soft_boi:** hewwooo uwuwuw

 **soft_boi:** we have returned and sorry for abandoning you two ned wanted to go see darth vader

 **wonderful_boy:** False, peter also wanted to see him too

 **soft_boi:** >:(((

 **soft_gorl:** i call riding with peter for the tea cup ride!!!!

 **soft_boi:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **gunner:** i guess ill ride with ned and mj if thats alright with them,,,,, 

 **gunner:** i dont really wanna ride alone,,,

 **soft_gorl:** ha what a nerd

 **soft_gorl:** oh shit beter they said we can go on now!!

 **soft_boi:** oh worm????

**[soft_boi and soft_gorl are now offline] (11:35 am)**

**mom_friend:** Those two are most definitely going to start something

 **gunner:** uh oh her mom powers have been activated 

 **mom_friend:** I will kill you right now Harley.

 **gunner:** :(((

**[wonderful_boy, mom_friend, and gunner are now offline] (11:37 am)**

**[gunner is now online] (11:46 am)**

**gunner:** w,, was that shuri and peter that just passed us spinning really fast and screaming???

**[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (11:47 am)**

**wonderful_boy:** L, lmao i think it was

 **mom_friend:** Oh my fucking god.

 **mom_friend:** Those fucking idiots.

 **mom_friend:** They're going to feel like shit when we get off the ride.

 **wonderful_boy:** Hold up they stopped spinning and they both have the biggest smile on their faces

 **wonderful_boy:** I got at least five photos of peter 

**[soft_boi and soft_gorl are now online] (11:56 am)**

**soft_boi:** can we go again?????

 **mom_friend:** No, You're currently on the ground moaning.

 **soft_gorl:** please????????????????????????????

 **mom_friend:** No you're also on the ground but just laying on Peter.

 **soft_gorl:** i hate this fucking family >:((((


	9. bendy boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad finds out how bendy peter is and to be frank,,, its a little sppoky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to SaltyGoblin for the idea, sorry that it took forever to get this out!!!

**[gunner is now online] (7:30 am)**

**gunner:** peter what the fu ck are you doning holy shit

**gunner:** yall i honestly think peter is posseced,,, like no man should be able to do htat

**[soft_gorl is now online] (7:35 am)**

**soft_gorl:** what are you bitching about???? 

**soft_gorl:** it really cant be that bad???

**soft_gorl:** I STAND CORRECTED HOLY SHIT THATS HORRFYING

**gunner:** WEHRE THE FUCK IS NED AND MJ

**soft_gorl:** I DONT KNOW HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD

**gunner:** CAN PEOPLES BODIES EVEN GO LIKE THAT????

**soft_gorl:** NO???????????

**gunner:** WHAT THE FU KC 

**gunner:** im too afraid to go make sure hes okay,,,,,

**soft_gorl:** i,,,is he even breathing???/

**soft_gorl:** hes been so still

**gunner:** do you think the others even know about this???

**soft_gorl:** probably,,,,

**soft_gorl:** but that doesnt make me feel any better,,,,

**gunner:** KSFKSDFSDFGHJKL

**soft_gorl:** AASDFGDHFSFSKDFJ

**gunner:** HOW THE FUCK CAN HE DO THIS

**soft_gorl:** HOW DID YOU NOT HURT HIMSELF??????????

**[soft_boi is now online[ (7:49 am)**

**soft_boi:** is everything okay???

**soft_boi:** i heard you two scream really loudly

**gunner:** PETER ARE YOU OKAY???????????? DO WE NEED TO TAKE YOU TO THE MEDBAY???

**soft_boi:** no???

**soft_boi:** im totally fine, why do you ask???

**soft_gorl:** YOU JUST BENT YOUR BODY IN SUCH A AWAY THAT SHOULDNT BE POSSIBLE

**soft_boi:** ive always been able to do this???

**soft_boi:** i mean,,, not that position in particular but ive always been bendy,,,,

**gunner:** d,,,,does your sos know???

**soft_gorl:** tbh ngl i would want to know if my boyfriend could do taht 

**soft_gorl:** like,,,, thats freaky,,,,,,,

**soft_boi:** oh i know its freaky!!!

**[soft_boi changed gunner's name to tots] (8:01 am)**

**tots:**  reason????

**soft_boi:** you shot mr stark with a potato gun

**tots:** reasonable ig

**soft_gorl:** peter do this pose

**soft_gorl:** bend.jpg

**soft_boi:** aight

**tots:** PLEASE SOTP I HATE IT 

**tots:** DESPISE 

**soft_gorl:** THIS WAS A BAD IDEA

**soft_boi:** yall are going to hate me but that was like,,,, super easy

**tots:** im sorry WH A T

**soft_boi:** i could always show you how to do some poses????

**soft_gorl:** i,,,

**soft_gorl:** im good

**soft_boi:** pussy

**soft_gorl:** im fine with being called that because being able to do t h a t makes me feel things that i dont want to feel

**soft_boi:** like lust?

**tots:** PLEASE NEVER SPEAK AGAIN HOLY SHIT

**[tots kicked soft_boi from fwiends] (8:14 am)**

**tots:** finally

**tots:** the evil has been destoryed

**soft_gorl:** hes doing his puppy dog eyes

**tots:** im trying not to look at him cause then ill feel guilty 

**tots:** smart

**[mom_friend and wonderful_boy] (8:29 am)**

**wonderful_boy:**  Good morning everyone

**wonderful_boy:** Wheres peter??? Hes usually up by now

**tots:** sinners get kicked

**soft_gorl:** were not looking at him today

**mom_friend:** You know he's only pull out the puppy dog eyes.

**tots:** he already has

**soft_gorl:** were ignoring him right now but hes sitting on the kitchen counter sadly as he eats his cereal 

**wonderful_boy:** Pics or it didnt happen

**soft_gorl:** babey.jpg

**wonderful_boy:** Nice

**mom_friend:** Can we please talk about how Peter got kicked?

**soft_gorl:** he can twist his body in ways that we do not like

**mom_friend:** Did you not know that he was a gymnast for most of his life?

**[wonderful_boy added underoos to fwiends] (8:39 am)**

**underoos:** YALL ARE FAKE MOTHER FUCKS

**[mom_friend changed the chat name to Mother Fucks]**

**underoos:** thank

**[soft_gorl changed underoos's name to yoink] (8:41 am)**

**yoink:** thanks i guess

**wonderful_boy:** Reason???

**soft_gorl:** thats how i imangine peters bones 

**tots:** gotta say thats an interesting choice

**yoink:** it works 

**tots:** once again, peter shuts the fuck up challenge

**yoink:** hell no 

**soft_gorl:** do you wanna tell the class other things you can apparently do?????

**yoink:** dance?????

**yoink:** its usually with mj

**tots:** im sorry W h a t

**mom_friend:** As much as I love you Peter, you literally do not pay attention in lessons 

**yoink:** FA LSE

**wonderful_boy:** Every so often peter pays attention

**yoink:** mj is pretty and i get distracted >:( sue me

**tots:** aight, youre being sued

**yoink:** i

**yoink:** i have no money,,,

**tots:** tragic 

**tots:** you should of thought about that before you asked to get sued

**soft_gorl:** peter try this postion 

**soft_gorl:** thereisnowayhecoulddothis.jpg

**yoink:** b e t 

**yoink:** oh this is easy, i feel like yorue calling me a pussy

**soft_gorl:** there is no way you can do this

**tots:** false.jpg

**soft_gorl:** ogod o fuck 

**yoink:** ogod i forgot to stretch after this

**tots:** the king has fallen

**tots:** L.jpg

**mom_friend:** Please help him up, I don't want him to hurt anything.

**soft_gorl:** no

**wonderful_boy:** You okay pete?

**yoink:** uhghghghghgh 

**yoink:** i think i pulled a hammie 

**wonderful_boy:** Was it yours?

**yoink:** probably

**soft_gorl:** h,,,how many hammies do you have???

**yoink:** depends on the day

**tots:** terrifying why did i let mj add you back

**yoink:** a truly disappointing idea 

**mom_friend:** I can kick you again if you want

**yoink:** please no :(((

**mom_friend:** That's what I thought.


	10. hap prid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its pride still but hella late :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy pride yall, im getting political cause fuck you. pride month is a thing because of the poc, trans people who fought for equality in 1969 at stonewall, there is no set day for a sexuality/gender, its equality periodt.

**[soft_gorl is now online] (8:45 am)**

**soft_gorl:** why did stark just scream 'betrayal'?

**yoink:** lmao i shot him in the throat with a nerf gun

**wonderful_boy:** C,,,,, can you explain more,,,?

**tots:** no fuck you

**mom_friend:** Fuck you Harley, don't say that to my boyfriend

**yoink:** *our

**soft_gorl:** soooooooooo am i not getting an explanation?

**tots:** i g u e s s you can get a play by play 

**soft_gorl:** thank you 

**tots:** so i call tony into the living room cause lmao we had a plan so i run ahead and tony ever the dumbass thinks that we wrapped  the doorframe but ha get bitched on there was none!!! peter just shot him in the throat because he stole our skittles

**mom_friend:** Tony told me that he had to take the skittles away because you two were practically eating yourselves sick. 

**yoink:** minor details >:///

**wonderful_boy:** Peter, you always do this

**wonderful_boy:** You always eat yourself sick and its big dumb 

**tots:** maybe but you dont have all the facts

**mom_friend:** I feel like I'll hate myself for asking, but what facts Harley and Peter

**yoink:** we were hungre

**mom_friend:** I as Peter's girlfriend and, sadly, the appointed mom friend; I know that you two were only eating because you two were bored. 

**tots:** hahaahah lmao you rigte

**mom_friend:** I know that I am.

**soft_gorl:** wait where the fuck was i during this?/?? i wanted skittles too :((((((((

**yoink:** you were passed out like a bitche

**wonderful_boy:** Peter i love you but why is your spelling getting worse and worse this month

**yoink:** its pride month and not a lot of people can tell that i am the b of lgbt

**tots:** it is true, you are the bitch of the lgbt

**yoink:** >:O

**mom_friend:** I might be going on a limb here but people could tell because you are dating two people and one of those two people is male.

**wonderful_boy:**  Facts 

**yoink:** but prid

**tots:** yo do you just wanna go to pride???? isnt there usually a parade????

**soft_gorl:** :OOOOO

**soft_gorl:** wakanda sucks ass and doesnt really have that

**soft_gorl:** cause it doesnt need it cause wakanda isnt rude to people like you white folks

**wonderful_boy:** Im not white???

**wonderful_boy:** Mj isnt either????????

**soft_gorl:** well you two arent bastards

**mom_friend:** Well Shuri, you are mistaken, I am a bastard.

**mom_friend:** Ned isn't a bastard, Peter is though.

**yoink:** true

**soft_gorl:** peter why are you eating skittles again

**yoink:** because i am babey

**mom_friend:** How long have you been eating them?

**yoink:** since i woke up tbh

**wonderful_boy:** Did you even sleep?????

**yoink:** never

**yoink:** i have regrets,,,,,  

**mom_friend:** It's been 20 fucking minutes since you mentioned this

**yoink:** why did i thihnk this was a good idea

**soft_gorl:** none of your ideas are good ones

**yoink:** btihce

**yoink:**  it all tsates hthe same

**tots:** peter you good fam???

**tots:** theanswerisno.png

**soft_gorl:** L

**mom_friend:** Please tell the dumbass of a boyfriend to stop eating skittles.

**yoink:** fcuk yupo babe

**mom_friend:** Glad to know that my pet name is spelled correctly.

**soft_gorl:** are we going to pride???

**wonderful_boy:** Im down

**mom_friend:** I'm down as well.

**tots:** the old man says peter and i can go but neither of us are dressed so,,,,,

**yoink:** fuck clothes, im running away to live in the forest naked

**yoink:** fuck i dropped a skittle down my titties :(((

**tots:** since when did you have tittles

**yoink:**  titties is a gender neutral term 

**soft_gorl:** what color

**yoink:** yellow

**soft_gorl:**  well damb

**mom_friend:** Peter what the absolute fuck are you wearing?

**tots:** asdfghj when did you leave????

**yoink:** when hearing about my sos getting ready i jumped up cause damn, i love watching them plan outfits

**wonderful_boy:** Peter, i love you but holy hell thats bright as hell

**soft_gorl:** what is he wearing???

**mom_friend:** Whyishebright.png

**tots:** peter w h  y

**yoink:** i saw it, it was absolutely horrid and it gave me a headache so of course i had to buy it

**yoink:** what will my sos do??? break up with me???

**yoink:** hell no, they love me too much 

**yoink:** r,,,right???

**soft_gorl:** if i was dating you, you would be disowned

**yoink:** mj is laughing at me :((((((( 

**tots:** like you deserve

**wonderful_boy:** Im aware, i can here her from the bathroom

**tots:** ;)))))))))))))))))

**tots:** steamy time

**soft_gorl:** why is mj laughing???

**yoink:** its stupid >:(((((

**yoink:** will not tell

**mom_friend:** I'll tell you all.

**tots:** just say yall

**mom_friend:** No you Alabama bitch.

**mom_friend:** Anyway, so I'm doing Peter's makeup because Peter wanted it for pride and who am I to say no. So, I'm looking through my eyeshadow palates so that I could find a color that would match Peter's horrid shirt and I just hear Peter speak in the most softest voice I've ever heard and say, 'Moon Pies are made of 'mallows?'

**yoink:** neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd mj is being meeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaa

**wonderful_boy:** Ngl, thats so fucking cute 

**soft_gorl:** whats so funny????

**soft_gorl:** its just peter being a dumbass

**soft_gorl:** per usual

**mom_friend:** It just made me laugh how Peter said marshmallows and how he's stupid enough to not know that Moon Pies are made of marshmallows.

**yoink:** i,,, ive never had one,,,

**tots:** w h a t

**tots:** e v e r y  o n e and i mean e v e r y  o n e has had  a moonpie

**yoink:** o,,,oh 

**yoink:** ,,,,L???

**wonderful_boy:** Im sorry im still stuck on peter calling marshmallows 'mallows

**yoink:** >:(

**wonderful_boy:** He calls sprinkles jimmies by the way

**tots:** that rustles my jimmies 

**yoink:** d i  e

**mom_friend:** The lads and I are heading out, we'll see you two at the parade.

**yoink:** love being called a lad

**wonderful_boy:** Peter please dont forget anything cause i know you will

**wonderful_boy:** Mj do you ahve water????

**mom_friend:** Yea

**mom_friend:** Peter you're going to fucking drink.

**yoink:** damn aight

**[yoink, wonderful_boy, and mom_friend are now offline] (12:34 pm)**

**soft_gorl:** harley you better have pants on cause im coming in

**tots:** jfc give me a moment

**soft_gorl:** you get no moments

**soft_gorl:** im coming in

**soft_gorl:** get your ass up wre leaving

**tots:** damn okay

**[tots and soft_gorl are now offline] (12:38 pm)**

**[mom_friend is now online] (7:03 pm)**

**mom_friend:** We're leaving soon so I'm doing a headcount.

**[tots, soft_gorl, and wonderful_boy are now online] (7:06 pm)**

**tots:** couldnt this be done off texting?

**mom_friend:** It's easier for me like this.

**mom_friend:** Harley is here, Shuri, Ned and Peter?

**soft_gorl:** here

**wonderful_boy:**  Im also here!!!!!

**mom_friend:** Fuck we lost Peter,

**mom_friend:** If he doesn't show up in a few minutes I will go up to the performer and make them make an announcement for our missing lad.

**soft_gorl:** sdfghjkl you wouldnt 

**mom_friend:** I will, he may be able to handle himself but he is a dumbass.

**tots:** do it bitch, you wouldnt

**wonderful_boy:** FUCK SHES MAKING HER WAY TOWARDS THE PERFORMER OGOD O FUCK

**soft_gorl:** AAAAAAAaa.mp3

**tots:** AKFSJDFKSDJF I SEE PETER!!!! 

**tots:** PEOPLE DEADASS MOVED WHEN THEY HEARD PETERS DESCRIPTION

**wonderful_boy:** I mean???? Theres probably not a lot of people who would wear that outfit

**soft_gorl:** DFGHJKFSKFJ IS THAT A FUCKING PIGEON IN HIS ARMS????

**wonderful_boy:** OGOD IT  I S 

**soft_gorl:** helpful.mp3

**soft_gorl:** love how everyone moves when mj comes through

**[yoink is now online] (7:15 pm)**

**mom_friend:** PETER FUCKING PARKER WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BLOODY

**yoink:** no yelling :((((

**mom_friend:** I'm sorry for yelling but you disappear for most of the day and when you finally come back you have a pigeon and you're bloody. So please do explain before I get more gray hairs.

**yoink:** first,,,, its grey and uhhhh i saw a girl being harassed by two men and i was >:( so i punched them and i may or may not have been punched back but the girl is okay!!!!

**tots:** that doesnt explain the pigeon

**yoink:** he is gerald and he is friend

**yoink:** do you think mr stark will let me keep gerald???

**soft_gorl:** no 

**soft_gorl:** but you should keep him

**yoink:** i plan to 

**mom_friend:** Peter we're leaving, please do not bleed out while we're walking home.

**tots:** you know we could just call tony to pick us up

**yoink:** no he will be :O and then >:( and t h e en >>>:((((

**yoink:** and i dont want that

**yoink:** someone carry me

**wonderful_boy:** Im on it

**yoink:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

**yoink:** that means its sleepy time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao quick question,,,, should i just say *hits the whoa* fuck it and make this just one big relationship??? cause i know a lot of people want harley/peter but idk man,,,


	11. flex tape bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for some poor science experiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS NOTE HAS A TRIGGER WARNING OF SUICIDE BUT NO MENTIONS OF SUICIDE ARE IN THIS CHAPTER. IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU, JUST SKIP THIS NOTE, YOU'RE NOT MISSING ANYTHING BIG, JUST ME VENTING!!! STAY SAFE
> 
> this was originally just gonna be a vent for me cause (depending on what day this comes out, im writing this on 7/8/19), i had just found out that someone who i wasn't *that* close to these days but was very close to in elementary school who had just killed themselves, i first found out via my boss earlier today when she said how a boy my age had jumped off a bridge, i didnt think about it at all if im being honest. but when i saw my gc saying that it was someone from my school made it much more personal. and at first, i was numb and kind of in shocked. i couldnt do much considering i was at work and it really make it think cause holy shit, this was within my friend group even if i wasnt the closest to him. so a small timeskip to a couple of minutes ago before i start writing this, it really sunk in that holy shit, hes *dead*. i wont see in school anymore, no more classes with him, no more jokes with him and leaving an empty place in our graduating class.  
> but im not blaming him at all, i just need to get this off of my chest because i dont have anyone to tell this to. It just, it just really hit me that hes gone and its so shocking to think that something like this happened so close to me.
> 
> im sorry for dumping this on yall, im lowkey hoping none of yall read this. i just really needed a vent. please remember if you or anyone youre close to, please remember that there is someone always there for you.

**[yoink is now online] (10:34 am)**

**yoink:** good morning gaymers 

 **yoink:** my sos both have something family planned and dispite me being an orphan, also said that

 **yoink:** so im a dumbass but whats new

 **soft_gorl:** you wanna do an experiment??

 **yoink:** owowowoow what kind???

 **soft_gorl:** lets try to make a boat out of only flex tape materials and set it off into the river

 **yoink:** can i sit in it????

 **soft_gorl:** im down

**[tots is now online] (10:40 am)**

**tots:** whats up sluts

 **yoink:** science

 **tots:** lit im joining what do you need

 **soft_gorl:** a shit ton of flex tape materials

 **tots:** aight, time to the store

 **tots:** you sluts are coming with me

**[yoink changed the chat name to mj and the science sluts]**

**soft_gorl:** sassy, i love it

 **yoink:** bitch yo can drive

 **tots:** yea??????

 **tots:** i have been able for a couple of years now???

 **yoink:** s,,,so is you not gay?

 **tots:** b what the fuck does being gay have to do with driving

 **yoink:** well,,, 

 **yoink:** i mmean

 **soft_gorl:** can Y O U drive peter

 **yoink:** yesh,

 **soft_gorl:** YOU HESITATED

 **yoink:** I CAN DRIVE BITCH BUT SOMETIMES I HAVE EASIER WAYS TO GET AROUND

 **soft_gorl:** >://///

 **tots:** lets go sluts im leaving soon

 **yoink:** damn bitch were coming

 **soft_gorl:** ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 **yoink:** have you considered dying

 **soft_gorl:** most days

 **yoink:** wait no

 **yoink:** you need to talk b??

 **soft_gorl:** no its just a joke

 **yoink:** hgngngn you sure??

 **soft_gorl:** positive

 **yoink:** aifht

 **tots:** hate to break up the love fest but beep beep bitches

 **tots:** just say you love eachother and kiss

 **yoink:** aight, love youwuwu

 **soft_gorl:** :O

 **soft_gorl:** love you too bitch

 **tots:** im leaving now you whores

 **yoink:** jfc im coming!!!

 **soft_gorl:** i think you mean we are coming

 **yoink:** perhaps

 **tots:** tick tock bitches

 **yoink:** on the clock the party dont stop no 

**[tots is now offline] (11:18 am)**

**soft_gorl:** ha what a pussy

 **yoink:** lets go boo, we gotta go 

 **soft_gorl:** finenenenene

**[yoink and soft_gorl are now offline] (11:21 am)**

**[tots, yoink, and soft_gorl are now online] (3:23 pm)**

**tots:** alright so what do we need???

 **soft_gorl:**  a shit ton of flex tape 

 **yoink:** maybe a barrel or container so that we can have a base for it

 **tots:** you never told me what you two are doing anyway

 **soft_gorl:** were gonna try to make a boat out of flex tape and float peter into the ocean

 **yoink:** its how i want to go tbh

 **tots:** idk if your sos will allow that

 **soft_gorl:** which is w h y we are not telling them 

 **yoink:** shuri you better take care of our children

 **soft_gorl:** i will

 **tots:** but why are you doing this

 **yoink:** idk were just bored ig

 **tots:** thats so stupid

 **tots:** im in

 **soft_gorl:** n ! i ! c ! e !

 **tots:** quick question tho

 **yoink:** 10 seconds go!

 **tots:** so youre just making a boat out of flex tap things right????? but how will just tape and i guess the spray shit???? will just sink with peter inside cause peter is much heavier than the tape

 **soft_gorl:** we are not listening 

 **yoink:** i mean,,, youre not wrong,,,, 

 **yoink:** so what could we do then????

 **tots:** put chip bags on the bottom???? cause you can make a boat out of them

 **soft_gorl:** so what im getting at is that we just buy a shit ton of bags of chips and just wrap them in the flex tape and just send peter off??

 **tots:** yea

 **yoink:** haha nice im in 

 **yoink:** wait shit whos buying

 **yoink:** nose goes

 **soft_gorl:** nose goes

 **tots:** nose goes

 **tots:** FU CK

 **tots:** i guess im buying everything like a soccer mom

**[yoink changed tots's name to soccer_mom]**

**soccer_mom:** have you considered not

 **yoink:** i have but i will not take it back 

 **soccer_mom:** >:///////////

**[soccer_mom is now offline] (4:10 pm)**

**soft_gorl:** we sneaking shit into the cart???

 **yoink:** of course, were hooligans

**[soft_gorl and yoink are now offline] (4:12 pm)**

**[tots, soft_gorl, and yoink are now online] (6:23 pm)**

**soccer_mom:** are we ready to set him off???

 **soft_gorl:** hell yea 

 **yoink:** can we get one big send off picture

 **soft_gorl:** ye

 **yoink:** hell ye

 **soccer_mom:** get in the boat bitch boy

 **yoink:** jfc im going 

 **soft_gorl:** goodbye peter you were the baddest bitch ive ever knew

 **soccer_mom:** you were a bitch that i knew 

 **yoink:** touching harley

 **yoink:** shuri, you were also the baddest bitch i knew

**[mom_friend is now online] (6:43 pm)**

**mom_friend:**  What the fuck are you three doing?

 **soccer_mom:** o god o fuck s c r a m!

 **mom_friend:** No, no scramming. I want to know what's going on

 **soft_gorl:** n,,,,,nothingngngn 

 **mom_friend:** Really? Because Peter's twitter is telling me otherwise.

 **mom_friend:** screenshot89.png

 **yoink:** were doing nothing !!!!! just having innocent fun!!!

 **mom_friend:** Did you not see what you just posted? How the fuck are you in the river?

 **yoink:** like i said innocent fun

 **mom_friend:** Someone explain

 **soft_gorl:** just testing out an experiment and the experiment is going good so far wuwu

 **mom_friend:** Harley explain.

 **soccer_mom:** uhhhhhh we wanted to test something 

 **mom_friend:** And what was that something?

 **yoink:** do not tell her >:(

 **mom_friend:** Harley,

 **soccer_mom:** shuri and peter roped me into making a flex tape boat and sending peter off to sea!

 **soft_gorl:** i can not believe you ratted us out >:(

 **mom_friend:** Jesus Christ, please reel Peter back in. 

 **soft_gorl:** yes mj,,,,

 **mom_friend:** And Peter?

 **yoink:** yes my loving gf???

 **mom_friend:** I love you but please do not be a dumbass. 

 **yoink:** but its part of my personality!!!

 **mom_friend:** I know and I love you but please keep it down a little.

 **yoink:** ill try,,,, >:////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please no ffh spoilers in the comments, i haven't seen it yet :((((


	12. having a moment tm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sad and want a hug but like, the kind of hug that you kinda just sit on the sofa intertwined for a couple of hours 
> 
> anyway im sad and i put that onto peter and actually give him the hug that i want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of you lovely readers asked if i could write everyones names in here so !!! here ig
> 
> yoink - peter  
> mom_friend - mj  
> soft_gorl (changed to bastard) - shuri  
> soccer_mom - harley  
> wonderful_boy (changed to worried) - ned
> 
> this is also my second time writing this chapter cause i lost all of it this morning which sucks cause i liked that one and this one isnt as good :^(

**[wonderful_boy is now online] (7:02 pm)**

**wonderful_boy: C** lassy name

 **soft_gorl:** thank you 

 **wonderful_boy:** Now that mj and the science sluts is out of the way, has anyone seen peter or has been messaged by him today???

 **mom_friend:** No? Have you?

 **wonderful_boy:** No thats what i was asking you guys

 **soft_gorl:** ha ha what a n e r d

 **soccer_mom:** doesnt he disappear tho???

 **soccer_mom:** like often????

 **wonderful_boy:** Usually????? Ig but he usually tells me 

 **wonderful_boy:** Also, nice name

 **wonderful_boy:** Where did you get it????

 **mom_friend:** Harley drove Shuri and Peter around the town a couple of days ago. All over Peter's twitter

 **wonderful_boy:** Ah lit

 **soccer_mom:** eat a dick ned>:(

 **soft_gorl:** now thats not very soccer mom-y of you

 **soccer_mom:** thats because youre bastards

**[soft_gorl changed soft_gorl's name to bastard]**

**bastard:** youre not wrong :///

 **bastard:** and why is bastards plural 

 **soccer_mom:** you probably have some demons up there 

 **bastard:** once again not wrong

**[yoink is now online] (7:23 pm)**

**yoink:** what would yall do if i brought home five puppies 

 **wonderful_boy:** Peter!!!! Where the f u ck are you!!!

**[yoink changed wonderful_boy's name to worried] (7:26 pm)**

**worried:** Excuse you i have an excuse to me worrie d

 **soccer_mom:** im sorry what about the dogs???

 **yoink:** its a rhetorical question 

 **yoink:**  like what would you do if i brought home five puppies

 **bastard:** amazing bring them home

 **yoink:** story behind your name?

 **bastard:** i was being a bastard

 **yoink:** understandable 

 **mom_friend:** Peter where are you?

 **yoink:** an alleyway 

 **worried:** In the rain????

 **worried:** Peter what hte fuck???

 **soccer_mom:** do you need someone to come get you??

 **yoink:** no thank you i jsut wanna sit here for a moment 

 **yoink:** im okay tho im ian an aleleywa iand i forgot to mnetion that im in a box

 **bastard:** yo what the fuck is up with all the typos

 **yoink:** rain and tears :(((

 **yoink:** wheres the nose button

 **soccer_mom:** the fucking what

 **yoink:** the nose button??? you nose the nose button that you but on the emogjies cause the emogjis need to breathe and i dont wanna kill my emogjhies i love them so fuck much and they need to breathe you know???? nim not ready to become a murderere andgain 

 **yoink:** wait nvm i found the nose button 

 **yoink:** :^(

 **soccer_mom:** what hte fuck just happened 

 **bastard:** is what drugs feels like??? is this what being on cocaine is like in words???

 **bastard:** peter you on drugs???

 **yoink:** i wish 

 **worried:** No!!!! Do not wish!!! 

 **yoink:** >:^(

 **mom_friend:** I believe that it's bed time for the baby.

 **yoink:** not a babey 

 **worried:** You are babey

 **yoink:** >:^((((

 **mom_friend:** You ready to come back Pete?

 **yoink:** no still having a moment

 **worried:** bad or good moment

 **yoink:** -\\(:^//)/-

 **bastard:** what the fuck is that

 **bastard:** bitch is you on crack

 **yoink:**  diy shrug emoji

 **soccer_mom:** was the nose really necessary

 **yoink:** yes your fucking nipple biter i dont wanna kill any of the emogis

 **soccer_mom:** why am i offended by being calling a nipple biter 

 **yoink:** -\\(:^//)/-

 **soccer_mom:** do not like

 **mom_friend:** Peter you ready to come home?

 **yoink:** not really,,,, i just need a moment of quiet so i might just sit here in my box and go offline 

 **bastard:** you wont get a moment of quiet you live in new york

 **yoink:** :^((((

 **yoink:** i know 

**[yoink is now offline] (8:03 pm)**

**bastard:** ill track him

 **mom_friend:** Thank you.

 **soccer_mom:** is everything okay with peter???? like i know hes having a ~moment~ but his he ~okay~?

 **worried:** I mean, of course hes having a moment and he should be okay 

 **soccer_mom:** god living up to my name but is there anything we should know about and stay away from???

 **worried:** So, peter is a very closed off person about these kinds of things despite his open nature and i dont even know a lot of things, cause he hasnt told me everything. took me y e a r s to learn these things. mj doesnt even know these things!!!

 **mom_friend:** Facts.

 **bastard:** what are these things if were allowed owo

 **worried:** I mean,,, i can tell you s o m e things but cant really tell you the after effects if thats the right word??? so im just gonna tell you what ive observed recently

 **worried:** so uh, peter doesnt like small spaces at all but will often press himself into corners when things get to be too much. uh, dont mention it or press up to him too close, just be there for him a good space away

 **worried:** if peter doesnt know a building that well hell look at how structurally sound a building is both inside and out even if he does know a building well like school hell still do it but only if its a bad day

 **worried:** thats all i can think of tbh mj do you have anything to add???

 **mom_friend:** All I can think about is how Peter gets sensory overloads every so often if it's an off day but gets migraine like headaches more often.

 **soccer_mom:** alright mom powers activate????

 **mom_friend:** Only slight mom power activation. 

 **soccer_mom:** alright 

 **bastard:** bastard best friend activate???

 **worried:** Only soft bastard best friends 

 **bastard:** soft powers activate

**[yoink is now online] (8:56 pm)**

**yoink:** im ready to come how now, im wet and sad and i really want a hug 

 **yoink:** but not like a short hug you get from those family memebers you never see except on the shitty family reunions where youre hella anxious and you only know your mom but i want the hug where youre kinda in the half asleep on the sofa wrapping up in multiple blankets while a movie plays in the background but youre not paying attention cause youre too tired

 **yoink:** bonus points if your laying on top of the other person and your legs are intertwined and the other person has their fingers in your hair

 **yoink:** yea i want that :^((

 **soccer_mom:** thats disgusting tbh

 **yoink:** my feelings are not disgusting y o u r e disgusting

 **mom_friend:** Happy and I will be there in 10 minutes so just hold on.

 **yoink:** yea alright,,,, ill be in my box tm

 **bastard:** movie night at the stark tower be there or be straight mother fuckers

 **soccer_mom:** but im already straight

 **bastard:** thats what all straight people say :////

 **yoink:** add the nose you fucking emoji murder

 **worried:** Mj could you pick me up as well???

 **worried:** Before or after you get peter

 **mom_friend:** Peter do you have an opinion?

 **yoink:** i cant wait a few minutes i dont mind

 **mom_friend:** Alright, I'll tell Happy that we'll be picking Ned up first. See you in a 18 minutes Peter.

 **yoink:** aight uwuwuw

 **yoink:** but like quick question but is like totally rhetorical

 **soccer_mom:** shoot 

 **yoink:** what would you do if i brought home five puppies???

 **bastard:** nice bring them in

 **yoink:** glad to know that youre on my side shuri

 **soccer_mom:** depends

 **yoink:** >:^////

 **mom_friend:** Peter, Ned and I are here

 **yoink:** !!!! im coming out of the box and i have another box in my hands which totally do not have five puppies in it

 **worried:** Oh peter youre all wet :(((( 

 **bastard:** ;)))))))

 **worried:** No, i am concerned about my boyfriend who is completely drenched because of this p o u r i n g rain

 **mom_friend:** Oh my God Peter, you actually have a box of five puppies

 **yoink:** n,,,,no i dont

 **soccer_mom:** send pics

 **mom_friend:** whatthefuck.png

 **bastard:** aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww

 **bastard:** what did you name them???

 **yoink:** we got abc, fork, glass shard, heavy metal, and airpods

 **soccer_mom:** abc????

 **yoink:** already been chewed you know???? like the gum???

 **soccer_mom:** why 

 **yoink:** -\\(:^//)/-

 **mom_friend:** Pete, I love you so much but you can not keep those puppies.

 **mom_friend:** You already have Sandwich, Toast and Benadick Pussysnatch. Tony probably won't let you have five more puppies in the tower.

 **yoink:** i know :^((((( and that makes me sad

 **yoink:** ill probably just bring them to a no kill shelter after the storm ends i just didnt want them to die on the streets you know :^(((((

 **worried:** You have such a big heart peter that it hurts me 

 **soccer_mom:** b,,,,benadick pussysnatch???

 **bastard:** oh shit???? you dont know benadick pussysnatch

 **yoink:** indecent.png

 **soccer_mom:** oh its a nutsack

 **bastard:** please dont be mean to our daughter we love her very much and she does have clothes 

 **yoink:** walkwalkfashionbabey.png

 **yoink:** just a little ladey

 **yoink:** fuck i miss her :((( i call cuddling with her

 **bastard:** fuck you we have to share her 

 **yoink:** >:^(

 **mom_friend:** We have arrived and are on our way up. Peter is half asleep and swaying where he is standing, pretty sure he's slightly sick

 **yoink:** fikc you im awaek and im not sick 

 **yoink:** fucik i cant find the nose button again 

 **mom_friend:** Bedtime for the lad.

 **yoink:** love bieng called a lad

 **yoink:** o fuc mj youre storng uwuw

 **worried:** And the boy is out for the count

 **bastard:** L

 **mom_friend:** It's incredibly hard to type with someone sleeping on you but I call giving Peter the hug that he wants. 

 **worried:** :((((( i wanna be in that too 

 **mom_friend:** That's tragic. 

 **soccer_mom:** well shuri and i made a nest tm so its gonna just be a cuddle puddle 

 **bastard:** i also call peter!!!!

 **soccer_mom:** we all call peter cause of communism 

 **bastard:** hell yea communism!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont spoil ffh in the comments or i will eat your fucking spine :))) im not fucking kidding, do not spoil it for me or anyone else who has not seen in :)))))) i dont care how small the spoiler is :)))) its still a spoiler :)))) you know who you are :))))
> 
> on a lighter note, jeremy renner (the actor for hawkeye) does music and its all absolute bangers


	13. a fanfic within a fanfic, its fanfic-ception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit happens!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lost the first one :(((
> 
> also!!! happy late birthday peter babey!!!!!

**[yoink is now online] (12:02 pm)**

**yoink:** SHURI PLEASE COME HERE RN I A M SO FUCKING SORRY FOR WHATS AOBUT TO HAPPEN TO YOU

**[bastard is now online] (12:14 pm)**

**bastard:** why did my dumbass brother just walk into my room and talk to be about safe sex

 **bastard:** but what the fuck do you want peter

 **yoink:** YOURE PROBABLY GONNA GET A TALK BOUT SOMETHING HGNGN

 **yoink:** o shit im too late

 **bastard:** are you saying that my brother giving me a safe sex talk is YOUR FUCKING FAULT

 **yoink:** IM SORRY 

 **bastard:** WHAT THE F U CK DUDE

**[soccer_mom, worried, and mom_friend are now online] (12:20 pm)**

**soccer_mom:** what the fuck is going on????

 **bastard:** idk cause peter wont TELL ME 

 **yoink:** hgngngngng you cant be mad at me :((((

 **yoink:** so i was doing some ~things~ last night and someone jumps out of the dark and basically says 'im gonna choke you' and im like 'aight fucking b e t' cause theres no fucking way that this mans was going to choke me and ha i was a clown needless to say and he chokes me and im like 'owo wow'. anyway i go to see mr stark and i totally forgot that i got choked last night!!!! so mr stark is like 'peter what the fuck is on my neck' now im panicking cause i cant tell him that i got choked!!!! hed go coo coo bananas and probably lock me in a bubble!!!! so my dumbass says 'o,,,oh theyre hickeys,,,,' and mr stark is confused and still slightly worried but just asks 'oh,,,, whos the lucky person??' and i could of said mj or ned cause !!! im dating them!!! but no!!!!! im a dumbass and said shuri!!!!! a moment of silence falls between us and its fucking awkward and i just dash out of the lab before he could yell at me but now hes just laying on the ground groaning 

 **yoink:** so now shuri and i are dating 

 **soccer_mom:** and you told tony that you f u c k e d 

 **yoink:** no but is was heavily implied 

 **bastard:** so is that why my brother came and gave me the safe sex talk

 **yoink:** probably

 **mom_friend:** And instead of telling Tony the truth, you just told him a lie about you dating the king of Wakanda's sister? Who is in fact a princess.

 **yoink:** ye

 **worried:** How long do you plan to keep this lie up??

 **yoink:** until i die

 **bastard:** does this mean that i get to date peter!!!!!!!

 **soccer_mom:** *fake

 **bastard:** eat my ass and let me have this >:(

 **worried:** Place your bets to see how long peter will actually fall in love with shuri

 **yoink:** I WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE 

 **mom_friend:** Peter, you catch feelings so easily.

 **mom_friend:** And because of how well I know you, and the fact I am forced to watch the shitty Hallmark movies, you two will end up falling in love or at least end up with Peter catching feelings.

 **yoink:** I WILL NOT >:^(

 **soccer_mom:** put me down for two months

 **mom_friend:** One week.

 **soccer_mom:** jfc 

 **soccer_mom:** you will totally not make it dude

 **mom_friend:** I know how Peter is. 

 **worried:** So we got one week for mj and two months for harley

 **yoink:** the only thing i will be catching is these hands

 **yoink:** cause imma fight

 **bastard:** beter my love uwuw

 **soccer_mom:** *****fake

 **bastard:** we may be fake dating but love is real >:(

 **bastard:** anyway

 **bastard:** my dumbass brother and i are coming to new york!!!!! 

 **yoink:** oh shit????? why???????

 **bastard:** idk but i over heard my brother saying how hes gonna give you the shovel talk and how stark is giving me the shovel talk

 **bastard:** rogers is also apparently giving us the talk about having s e x

 **yoink:** :^O

 **soccer_mom:** oh shit?????? im gonna record that shit

 **worried:**  Please send it to us once that whole thing is done

 **soccer_mom:** sure thing dude

 **bastard:** PETER WE SHOULD JUST QUOTE ROGERS SAFE SEX PSA EVERYTIME HE SPEAKS

 **yoink:** KSFKSFKJSKFJ YES PLEASE

 **yoink:** so,,,,,,, your body is changing,,,,,,

 **mom_friend:** I do not like that

 **bastard:** you should sit like the psa too 

 **worried:** Tbh, peter you do a really good impersonation of captain america

 **yoink:** its from all the psas weve been forced to watch 

 **bastard:** im so glad that i never had to watch them but i feel like im missing out on a lot of good inside jokes:(

 **yoink:** so,,,, you got detention 

 **worried:** Peter you probably know that one by heart

 **bastard:** oh shit????? am i dating a bad boy???

 **soccer_mom:** ***fake 

 **bastard:** i will eat your fucking spine like a god damn noodle

 **yoink:** j,,,,just because i know that psa by heart doesnt make me a bad boy 

 **yoink:** mj knows it by heart too

 **mom_friend:** Way to throw me under the bus. 

 **yoink:** uwu

 **soccer_mom:** wait holy shit??????

 **soccer_mom:** mj the resident mom friend is a bad girl???

 **mom_friend:** Truly tragic I know.

 **soccer_mom:** i am in a chat f u l l of bad people !!!

 **soccer_mom:** next thing you tell me is that N E D his also a bad boy

 **worried:** Well,,,,,,

 **soccer_mom:** WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO????

 **yoink:** ned is ride or die and i love him

 **worried:** I dare not say what happened to me all those months ago,,,,,

 **soccer_mom:** is this what tony feels like all the time?????

 **soccer_mom:** cause i feel like im getting gray hairs

 **yoink:** fuck you its g r e y

 **soccer_mom:** sorry im not from e n g l a n d 

 **yoink:** im not either but i still know how to spell it right

 **bastard:** ha ha youre an old man

 **yoink:** babey youre the second oldest 

 **bastard:** fuck

 **bastard:** but as you said, im babey 

 **yoink:** you got me there 

 **mom_friend:** Peter's the youngest 

 **soccer_mom:** haha babey bitch 

 **yoink:** >:^(

 **yoink** **:** fuck you im cuter than you >:^(

 **bastard:** damn, my boo is out here spitin mad faxs

 **mom_friend:** I'm taking a foreign language in school but nothing prepared me to understand that. 

 **bastard:** its our own language youre not supposed to understand that

 **yoink:** mad fax b

 **mom_friend:** What the fuck

 **soccer_mom:** sex.mp3

 **worried:** God mr rogers looks so uncomfortable giving that talk to you two

 **mom_friend:** Even more so that the two of them are repeating the sex talk psa

 **soccer_mom:** im surprised none of them figured out that these two were faking it 

 **yoink:** im pretty sure that nat knows but she likes watching the world burn so she wont rat us 

 **mom_friend:** Mood.

 **bastard:** beter its date time

 **soccer_mom:** *******fake

 **bastard:** b  i  i t ch 

 **soccer_mom:** ah yes biitch, that is me 

**[yoink changed soccer_mom's name to biitch] (3:34 pm)**

**yoink:** im coming!!! where are we going???

 **bastard:** idk???? wanna go catch some pigeons???

 **yoink:** hell yea

**[yoink and bastard are now offline] (3:47 pm)**

**mom_friend:** They are totally going to fall in love. 

 **worried:** Without a doubt

 **biitch:** i still stand by my two months 

 **mom_friend:** You doubt Peter's falling in love skills or at least how fast he does. 

**[mom_friend, biitch, worried are now offline] (3:50 pm)**

**[yoink is now online] (3:34 am)**

**yoink:** MJ !!!!!!!!

**[mom_friend is now online] (4:00 am)**

**mom_friend:** What is it Peter? Why are you even up this late??

 **yoink:** I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH SHURI

 **mom_friend:** Ah, only took a week and a half

 **mom_friend:** Seems that I win

 **yoink:** YOU PLACED A BET ON THIS?????

 **yoink:** NOT HELPFUL >:^(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will probably be a part two to this!!!!!
> 
> this was also to be posted on the 12th but i had a party for my friends birthday. i had lots of fun and i got a shit ton of hugs (no cap tho, the last hour all we did was cuddle on the futon) but when i got home i was sad :((((


	14. happy birthday petey uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a late birthday to the best babey in mcu (lmao rip,,,,)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no part two to the last chapter yet!!!! it'll be the next one after this !!!! 
> 
> (the party is also lowkey based off of the party that my friend threw for her birthday uwu i had lots of fun)

**[worried is now online] (12:00 am)**

**worried:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE CELEBRATING YOUR BIRTHDAY AND LIKE TO KEEP EVERYTHING ON THE DOWNLOW BUT FUCK THAT MAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU DESERVE SO MUCH SO IM SPENDING THE NEXT HOURS TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU <33333333333

 **worried:** Thank god that youre actually asleep right now cause id be really embarassed if you were awake 

 **worried:** ANYWAY IVE KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG AS TIME PROBABLY SINCE ELEMENTRY SCHOOL I DONT REALLY REMEMBER AND I FEEL LIKE A BAD FRIEND/BOY FRIEND FOR NOT REMEMBERING WHEN I MET YOU AND IM SORRY :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((9

 **worried:** WEVE ALSO BEEN DATING FOR A COUPLE MONTHS BUT IT FEELS LIKE YEARS CAUSE WEVE ALWAYS BEEN SO CLOSE THAT DATING DIDNT REALLY EFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP ALL IT DID WAS ADD KISSES 

 **worried:** TODAY IS DEDICATED TO YOU BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IM MORALLY OBLIGATED TO MAKE THIS DAY PERFECT FOR YOU AND IM PLANNING TO 

 **worried:** LIKE I SAID BEFORE YOU LIKE KEEPING THINGS ON THE DOWN LOW AND I REALLY DO PLAN TO BUT I WANNA MAKE THIS DAY SPECIAL FOR YOU YOURE TURNING 17!!!!! I KNOW THAT 17 ISNT REALLY SPECIAL AND ITS USUALLY 16 BUT FUCK THAT 17 BABEY!!!!! 

 **worried:** TODAY IS DEDICATED TO YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 **worried:** I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3333333333333333333333333333

**[worried is now offline] (12:34 am)**

**[mom_friend, biitch, bastard, and worried are not online] (10:34 am)**

**bastard:** oh shit?????? what happened last night???

 **worried:** I was just spilling out my feelings for the lad 

 **bastard:** what kind of feelings???

 **worried:** Love

 **biitch:** ha gay

 **worried:** :((((

 **mom_friend:** Where is Peter anyway?

 **worried:** Hes still asleep 

 **mom_friend:** Really? 

 **mom_friend:** I'm surprised that he actually went to bed last night.

 **biitch:** oh shit???? i finally took the time to scroll up and its peters birthday?????

 **worried:** Yea but he doesnt go all out

**[yoink is now online] (11:02 am)**

**yoink:** im awake and uwu'ing

 **bastard:** my love!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **yoink:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **biitch:** *****F A K E

 **bastard:** eat my ass you fucking sister fucker

 **biitch:** >:(

 **yoink:** b,,,,blease no fighting 

 **worried:** No fighting on the day of the lord >:(

 **yoink:** ,,, i am not a lord,,,,, 

 **worried:** False

 **mom_friend:** Happy birthday Peter, love you <3

 **yoink:** ahtnk oiu

 **bastard:** babeeeeee

 **yoink:** i just got teary cause !!!! i love you two mj!!!!

 **yoink:** anyway im bout head out 

 **biitch:** where are you going????????

 **yoink:** bouta get some puss

 **bastard:** excuse me?

 **yoink:** i mean youre allowed to come with ig

 **bastard:** nice!!! imma get some nice puss

 **mom_friend:** What the fuck is going on?

 **mom_friend:** Should I be worried 

 **yoink:** n,,,,,no 

 **worried:** Your hesitance makes me worried

 **bastard:** look were just gonna get good puss

 **biitch:** you dont even know what the good puss is 

 **bastard:** i dont need to know

 **bastard:** i trust peter full heartedly 

 **yoink:** awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww babeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 **biitch:** ************ F A K E 

 **yoink:** die

 **worried:** Alright,,,, im gonna be worried for the rest of the day until you come back 

 **worried:** Per usual

 **yoink:** !!!!!! i promise i wont die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **mom_friend:** If you didn't promise that would you have died.

 **yoink:** idk 

 **bastard:** itd depend on how things go while we get the good puss

 **yoink:** and things go as planned wed be d r o w n i n g in the good puss

 **bastard:** lowkey thats how i want to go 

 **yoink:** rt 

 **yoink:** babey were leaving now were gonna achieve the good puss!!!!!

 **bastard:** !!!!!! hellllllllllllllllll yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**[bastard and yoink are now offline] (12:39 pm)**

**biitch:** are we throwing him a part tonight???

 **worried:** I mean????? We could but as long as its on the down low like just having a get together with cake

 **mom_friend:** I'm down. 

 **mom_friend:** We have a few hours before the two of them come back so we could do shit then.

 **biitch:** what are we even doing?????

 **mom_friend:** I'm pretty sure Stark will let us have a fire on the roof so we could do that then a movie

 **biitch:** and if not we'll do it anyway

 **worried:** That makes me slightly worried

 **mom_friend:** I know sweetheart 

 **worried:** :(((((

 **biitch:** are all of you coming over so we can set up??

 **mom_friend:** Yea, Ned and I will be over in a half a hour

 **worried:** Should we pick anything up on our way here???

 **biitch:** a cake ig??????

 **biitch:** shit for a movie like popcorn????

 **mom_friend:** Sure thing, it'd might take us a while.

 **biitch:** sure thing, ill get the fire pit ready 

 **worried:** See you then Harley!!!!

**[worried, biitch and mom_friend are now offline] (1:03 pm)**

**[bastard and yoink are now offline] (4:23 pm)**

**bastard:** were coming home with a daughter who just happens to share the same birthday with peter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **yoink:** her name is astrid and i just happen to love her

 **bastard:** birthdaylads.png 

 **bastard:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**[mom_friend, worried, and biitch are now online] (4:29 pm)**

**mom_friend:** Why did you get a cat Peter?

 **yoink:** because i love her

 **mom_friend:** Shuri why did you let him get a cat

 **bastard:** because i also love her

 **worried:** Is there another reason why you adopted her peter????

 **yoink:** because on her about she said all she wanted was to celebrate her birthday (which is today!!!!!!) and i was like!!!!! i can celebrate her birthday!!!! starting with adopting her!!!!!

 **yoink:** anyway i love her and shes coming home with me :D

 **bastard:** intears.png

 **bastard:** heres peter crying over astrid after reading her about 

 **biitch:** ha n e r dddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

 **yoink:** :^(((((((((((((((((((

 **yoink:** im sorry D:

 **bastard:** well be coming home late cause we gotta stop at petsmart so we can get ~supplies~

 **mom_friend:** Don't you already have food beceause of Benadick Pussysnatch?

 **yoink:** yea but we need to get astrid a collar 

 **biitch:** asstrid

 **bastard:** do not fucking disrespect our fucking daughter like this 

 **yoink:** OGOD O FUCK 

 **worried:** I am w o r r i e d

 **yoink:** THERE ARE FUCKING FURRIES BUYING LEASHES AND SHIT OGOD O FUCK WE NEED TO LEAVE N O W 

 **bastard:** WE NEED TO GET A COLLAR FOR ASTRID 

 **yoink:** I WANNA LEAVE :^(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 **biitch:** wait are you deadass serious

 **yoink:** YES :^((((((((((((((((((((

 **biitch:** pics or it didnt happen

 **yoink:** ogodofuck.png

 **worried:** Why is it so blurry?

 **yoink:** i was scared

 **mom_friend:** Cryptids in the making

 **bastard:** afraid.png

 **biitch:** ngl id be scared to and i see that 

 **bastard:** weve left but they are following us

 **yoink:** im so scared 

 **yoink:** but look at our daughter!!!!!!

 **yoink:** astar.png

 **worried:** I didnt know that they sold star shaped tags

 **bastard:** only the best for our daughter!!!!

 **yoink:** theyre still following us but were almost at the tower

 **biitch:** nice, just have friday send you up to the roof

 **bastard:** why?????

 **biitch:** just because

 **yoink:** are we gonna throw shit???

 **biitch:** we can!!!

 **mom_friend:** No we can not because I do not want anyone going to jail tonight

 **bastard:** we wont go to jail unless we get caught :D

 **worried:** Thats a horrible mentality

 **bastard:** but its mine

 **yoink:** also mine

 **mom_friend:** Peter please, I understand it's your birthday but as the mom friend of this group, I feel obligated to say do not.

 **yoink:** :^((((((((

 **yoink:** btw were on our way up!!!

 **bastard:** what do you have planned 

 **biitch:** porn

 **worried:** No

 **biitch:** :(

 **worried:** There is no porn planned 

 **biitch:** maybe on your agenda but mine,,,,,

 **mom_friend:** Harley, I'm not your mom but once again, I feel obligated to stop you.

 **biitch:** youre not fun :((((((

 **mom_friend:** I'm not supposed to be fun, I'm the mom. 

 **yoink:** but youre also my girlfriend uwwwwwwwwwuwuwuwuwuuwu

 **mom_friend:** Perhaps 

 **yoink:** :^D

 **worried:** :D

 **bastard:** whats up bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the bestest relationship youve ever seen has arrived with our daughter astrid who will be the queen of the ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 **yoink:** i agree full heartedly

 **yoink:** oh shit who are we sacrificing? 

 **biitch:** you 

 **yoink:** :^O

 **yoink:** oh shit

 **bastard:** ill pay you 25 dollars to jump over the fire

 **yoink:** consider it done

 **worried:** N O 

 **mom_friend:** Peter if you jump over the fire I'll tell Stark

 **yoink:** bet

 **yoink:** shuri i want my 25 dollars in cash

 **bastard:** jfc i thought you wouldnt do it actually

 **yoink:** tragic give me my money

 **yoink:** wait so actually what is this for???

 **biitch:** do you deadass actually not know????

 **yoink:** no im stupid

 **biitch:** jfc 

 **yoink:** :^(((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 **mom_friend:** It's for your birthday you dumb fuck. We know that you don't like doing big things but a friendly fire could be fun.

 **worried:** 'Friendly'

 **worried:** Peter just jumped over the fire for 25 dollars

 **yoink:** i can do it for less if you think 25 is too much

 **yoink:** ill do it for free

 **worried:** N O 

 **yoink:** too late im jumping it like the border

 **bastard:** KSFKSFJFKJ JFC DUDE

 **yoink:** :^D

 **bastard:** dont be a babey bastard you whore

 **yoink:** D^:

 **yoink:** b,,,,,but im the birthday boyo

 **bastard:** >:(

 **bastard:** as soon as its 12:00 am i am legally allowed to deck you

 **yoink:** ight thats fair ig

 **biitch:** but you could also illegally do it now

 **biitch:** and not wait for tomorrow 

 **bastard:** only if i dont get prosecuted 

 **yoink:** you wont cause you caught me slippin

 **bastard:** nice!

 **bastard:** i love murdering my lover on a crisp night

 **worried:** Do you even know what day it is???

 **bastard:** absolutely not! :D

 **yoink:** mood i dont know it either 

 **mom_friend:** Jesus Christ you're both messes. 

 **yoink:** perhaps 

 **mom_friend:** Dear God, its me Michelle, please help

 **yoink:** >:^(

**[mom_friend, worried, bastard, biitch, and yoink are not offline] (7:34 pm)**

**[yoink is now online] (2:04 am)**

**yoink:** i know everyone is asleep but thank you for a great birthday uwu i love yall uwu

**[yoink is now offline] (2:05 am)**


	15. when you have one girlfriend but then you have t w o  B^)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these nerds finally got together!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i for one have never been in a polyam relationship but i do know that if you are going to be in one and already have existing partner(s), make sure that you let them know and see what they think about it!!! 
> 
> i also know that midsommar is probably no longer in theaters anymore but i couldnt really think of another movie :^(
> 
> worried - ned  
> mom_friend - mj  
> kween (changed to coochie_destroyer) - shuri  
> biitch - harley  
> underoos (changed to sticky) - peter

**[mom_friend is now online] (8:45 am)**

**[mom_friend kicked bastard and yoink from mj and the science sluts] (8:46 am)**

**mom_friend:** Ned and Harley, please come here.

 **mom_friend:** Mostly Ned but I feel like Harley is going to be like our witness.

**[worried and biitch are now online] (8:51 am)**

**worried:** I ahve arrived 

 **biitch:** do i really need to be here 

 **biitch:** oh shit????? where is peter and shuri 

 **mom_friend:** They are the reason why we have gathered here today. 

 **worried:** ????????????????

 **biitch:** ogod theyre dead arrent they

 **mom_friend:** No not yet. 

 **worried:** W AHT ????

 **biitch:** so why are we here????

 **mom_friend:** As you know, I won that bet of when Peter will fall in love with Shuri

 **biitch:** FUCk

 **worried:** Oh yea!!! Peter told me that he liked her

 **worried:** So thats why were here???

 **mom_friend:** Essentially 

 **mom_friend:** I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with that and not just saying that to keep Peter's feelings from not being hurt. 

 **worried:** Oh yea!!! Im perfectly fine with it!!! i just want the lad (tm) to be happy

 **biitch:** that is so digustingly gross 

 **mom_friend:** Eat my ass Harley

 **biitch:** will not

 **biitch:** refuse

 **worried:** Was that all you needed mj???

 **mom_friend:** No,

 **mom_friend:** Because Peter is a shy bastard and won't actually tell her that. 

 **worried:** So were locking them in a room together?

 **mom_friend:** Thought about that but I don't think that'll be the way to go.

 **mom_friend:** The plan that I'm leaning towards is being 'busy' so that those two can go on a date.

 **biitch:** but i wanna do shit too :((

 **mom_friend:** Not about you 

 **biitch:** :(((((((

 **worried:** Yea i could figure something out.

 **worried:** Theres probably a good movie out right now.

 **mom_friend:** That'll work.

 **worried:** Would Midsommar work??

 **mom_friend:** Sure.

 **biitch:** awwwwwwwwww i wanna see that movie :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 **mom_friend:** Just pirate it you bastard. 

 **biitch:** :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 **mom_friend:** I'm adding them back, don't mention this two them.

 **biitch:** wont they see the conversation?????

 **mom_friend:** I don't think so.

**[mom_friend added underoos and kween to mj and the science sluts] (9:45 am)**

**underoos:** why were we kicked :^((((((

 **kween:** what the fuck kyle 

 **underoos:** i didnt do anything wrong

 **underoos:** i cant vouch for shuri but i didnt do anything wrong

 **kween:** i probably did something wrong 

 **underoos:** so why were we kicked 

 **biitch:** we were talking about how much of bastards you are

 **kween:** why couldnt you do that with us in the chat

 **biitch:** because if you heard the shit we were talking about you would be d e v a s t a t e d

 **underoos:** my loving significant others would n e ver talk about how much of a bastard i am

 **underoos:** r,,,,right???

 **mom_friend:** Depends on how much of a bastard you are.

 **underoos:** :^(((

 **underoos:** i need a new name now 

 **[worried changed underoos's name to sticky] (10:00 am)**   

 **sticky:** thank you

 **sticky:** i love it 

 **kween:** wait i need a new name now!!!!!

**[biitch changed kween's name to coochie_destroyer] (10:03 am)**

**coochie_destroyer:** thank it i love it 

 **sticky:** 'thank it'

 **choocie_destroyer:** i will become the cock and ball destroyer if you dont shut up 

 **sticky:** concerned

 **worried:**  Hey petey boy 

 **sticky:** yes!

 **worried:**  My mom and i were gonna go see a movie today but something came up so do you want these tickets??

 **sticky:** what movie??

 **worried:** Midsommar

 **sticky:** !!!!! sure

 **sticky:** i lowkey wanted to go see that movie!!! but never go the chance to!!!

 **sticky:** mj!!! do you wanna come with????

 **mom_friend:** As much as I would love to come with and to be clung to I can't

 **mom_friend:** I have the protest today.

 **sticky:** oh i totally forgot!!! im sorry!!!!

 **mom_friend:** It's not your fault.

 **sticky:** can i ramble about the movie after i see it??/

 **mom_friend:** Of course, as long as you don't spoil anything. 

 **sticky:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **sticky:** shuri!!! do you wanna come with while youre still in new york??

 **coochie_destroyer:** !!!! sure!!!!

 **biitch:** :((((

 **biitch:** why cant i come with

 **coochie_destroyer:** because because fuck you 

 **sticky:** because because

 **coochie_destroyer:** >:( meanie

 **sticky:** do i need to go to your house to grab the tickets ned???

 **worried:**  Yea, but i would also like a kiss

 **sticky:** damn cant argue with that

 **sticky:** shuri ill pick you up soon!!!

 **coochie_destroyer:** god im so excited!!

 **coochie_destroyer:** what are you bringing peter?

 **sticky:** a blanket and money for the grocery store

 **sticky:** im also wearing a hoodie so i can h i d e the snacks so i can bring a hoodie if you need one

 **coochie_destroyer:** i dont need a hoodie im good uwuw

 **sticky:** okay uwuw

 **sticky:** ill be there in half a hour!!!

 **sticky:** wait when does the movie start??

 **worried:** My mom said at one so you have some time

 **sticky:** cool!!!

 **sticky:** shuri!!! ill be there soon!!!

 **coochie_destroyer:**  nice!!!!

**[sticky and coochie_destroyer are now offline] (10:45 am)**

**mom_friend:** God I hope this plan works out 

 **worried:** I feel like it should

 **biitch:** this is still stupid by the way 

 **worried:** >:////////////

**[mom_friend, worried and biitch are now offline] (10:48 am)**

**[sticky is now online] (4:13 pm)**

**sticky:** mj and ned i need you now cause i only have a few minutes before shuri comes back!

**[mom_friend and worried are now online] (4:15 am)**

**mom_friend:** Is everything going okay at the movies???

 **sticky:** yea!!! we had lots of fun but i just wanted to make sure that you two are most definitely okay with me dating shuri 

 **worried:**  Oh absolutely!!!! i just want you to be happy!!!!!

 **mom_friend:** I'm totally fine with it Petey. 

 **sticky:** okay!!! i just wanted to make sure that you two are totally okay with this

 **sticky:** cause i think im gonna tell her how i feel!!!!!

 **worried:**  Go do it babey!!!!!!

 **sticky:** !!!!!!! 

 **mom_friend:** I believe in you

 **sticky:** :^D

**[sticky is now offline] (4:20 pm)**

**worried:**  Ha blaze it

 **mom_friend:** Was that necessary?

 **worried:** Yes

**[worried and mom_friend are now offline] (4:24 pm)**

**[sticky, mom_friend, worried, biitch and coochie_destroyer] (6:23 pm)**

**sticky:** can yall believe that im slowly collecting yall

 **biitch:** im sorry what 

 **sticky:** i mean,,, im dating,,, three of yall

 **biitch:** im sorry w ha t

 **sticky:** oh shit did you not know whats going on???

 **biitch:** somewhat??

 **coochie_destroyer:** i have one (1) person of this groupchat

 **sticky:** its me!!

 **worried:** Oh!!! 

 **worried:** Peter you finally told her!!!!

 **mom_friend:** I'm proud of you Peter

 **sticky:** :^DDDDDD

 **coochie_destroyer:** these two knew???

 **sticky:** yea!!! i just had to tell them what i was planning so that they knew that i was hopefully gonna date you

 **sticky:** cause if i didnt that would technically be cheating and i dont want that :^(((

 **coochie_destroyer:** oh!!! i see!!!! 

 **sticky:** oh shit will we have to tell the others that were actually dating,,, dating now or should we just keep quiet about it?

 **coochie_destroyer:** i feel like we shouldnt cause they already think were dating

 **sticky:** okay facts tho

 **coochie_destroyer:** no printer only facts

 **worried:** How was the movie anyway peter?

 **sticky:** it was good!!!!!!!!

 **sticky:** kinda wack to think that people actually celebrate midsommar 

 **sticky:** just not at,,,, that,,, degree,,,

 **sticky:** im sorry that something came up and you and your mom couldnt see it :^(

 **biitch:** oh my god

 **mom_friend:** Shut up Harley

 **sticky:** :^O????

 **sticky:** what do you mean harley???

 **biitch:** it was all a ruse you buffoon 

 **sticky:** wait what??? 

 **sticky:** is this facts?

 **mom_friend:** Yea

 **worried:** Yea :(((

 **worried:** I bought the tickets for you two cause peter, sweetie, i love you but i also know that you would pine over shuri until you die 

 **coochie_destroyer:** awwwwwwwwwwwwww you hade a crush on me??

 **sticky:** were dating

 **coochie_destroyer:** minor details 

 **biitch:** actually dating for a couple of hours are yall are acting like yall are married 

 **coochie_destroyer:** perhaps weve always been married

 **sticky:** if we wanted to get married we would need a guardians permission 

 **coochie_destroyer:** aight brb 

 **coochie_destroyer:** bouta ask stark if i can marry you

 **sticky:** mr. stark???? isnt???? my guardian?????

 **coochie_destroyer:** wait,,, like deadass????

 **sticky:** yes deadass!!!

 **coochie_destroyer:** wait what the fuck

 **sticky:** i have an aunt??????

 **coochie_destroyer:** what the fuck

 **biitch:** waht the fuck are you for real

 **sticky:** yea?????

 **sticky:** di,,,d you not know this???

 **coochie_destroyer:** i mean,,,, i kinda just assumed that stark was like your dad or something,,,,,

 **sticky:** N O

 **sticky:** i love my aunt very much u///w///u

 **biitch:** i think the old man forgot that you have an aunt too

 **sticky:** there multiple old men in the stark tower

 **mom_friend:** Jesus Christ

 **sticky:** i mean,,,, mr stark calls my aunt 'aunt hottie' all the itme and hgngngngng 

 **sticky:** why does he have to do that

 **mom_friend:** Have you actually tried to tell him that him calling her that makes you uncomfortable?

 **sticky:** ,,,,,no

 **mom_friend:** Maybe if you tell him that he'd stop.

 **sticky:** this is why youre the smart one of the groupchat

 **biitch:** were all smart in this groupchat???

 **sticky:** but do you have common sense?

 **biitch:** i- 

 **sticky:** no you dont bitch sit the fuck down

 **coochie_destroyer:** KSFKSJF FUCK IT UP PETER 

 **worried:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **biitch:** i can not beleive that i was fucking roasted by a fucking gremlin

 **sticky:** :^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to get this out :^(((( school hasnt been /that/ stressful yet considering its only like,,, the third week but lowkey trying to focus on my school work!!!


	16. its spooky moth you fucking fucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chapter title is quite self explanatory :^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, harold is actually a skeleton that my friend and i bought :^) i love them very much and theyre gonna be a cowboy for halloween and they kinda dress like a fuck-human but we love them anyway

**[sticky is now online] (6:01 am)**

**sticky:** book

 **mom_friend:** Excuse me?

 **worried:**  Im confused

 **biitch:** what the fuck are you on peter

 **coochie_destroyer:** okay mood but harleys right are you on black tar herion

 **worried:** Thats oddly specific

 **worried:** Youre not on black tar herion are you peter,,,,

 **sticky:** oh shit!!! typo!!

 **sticky:** i mean boo

 **coochie_destroyer:** KSFKKSJD F FUCk

 **coochie_destroyer:** bro i told you not to scare me like that

 **sticky:** sorry bro :^(

 **biitch:** i take back my previous statement

 **biitch:** what the fuck are you two on

 **coochie_destoryer:** personally? cocaine

 **sticky:** tea 

 **mom_friend:** Are you feeling okay Peter?

 **sticky:** i mean,,, i sound like a boy going through puberty 

 **worried:** you are a boy going through puberty peter

 **sticky:** false im 17

 **biitch:** you act like youre 12

 **sticky:** shut the fuck up whore

 **coochie_destoryer:** what are we gonna be doing for halloween peter

 **sticky:** idk about mj and ned but im being a dumbass 

 **sticky:** :^)

 **sticky:** just so i dont have to buy a costume 

 **sticky:** but idk i might be a banana

 **worried:** Thats stupid, i call being grapes

 **coochie_destroyer:** i wanna be the apple

 **biitch:** am i allowed in this 

 **sticky:** yea!!!!

 **sticky:** its a group chat thing!!!

 **biitch:** great i wanna be a strawberry

 **mom_friend:** Do I have to dress as a fruit?

 **sticky:** absolutely 

 **sticky:** but like,,,,, yo udont need you too if you dont want to

 **sticky:** i really only want a photo of us in fruit costumes

 **mom_friend:** Fine, I guess I'll be an orange,

 **sticky:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hell yea!

 **sticky:** god look at us were just a baskets of fruits

 **worried:** Baskets of fruits

 **sticky:** :^(

**[coochie_destroyer changed the group chat name to baskets of fruits] (6:24 am)**

**sticky:** god please dont be mean 

 **sticky:** i am but a lad

 **biitch:** you may be a lad but youre also a dumbass

 **sticky:** >:^(

 **coochie_destroyer:** i will be making fun of you but do you want to come with me to get a skeleton

 **worried:** Why are you going to get a skeleton?

 **coochie_destroyer:** i want a child

 **sticky:** we have three children already

 **coochie_destroyer:** no you have three children

 **coochie_destroyer:** i want a child together

 **biitch:** WAHT 

 **sticky:** aight time to go to target

 **coochie_destroyer:** nice

 **worried:**  What fruit is the skeleton gonna be for halloween?

 **sticky:** uhhhhh shuri?

 **coochie_destroyer:** kiwi

 **worried:** Nice

 **mom_friend:** Are you really going to buy a skeleton?

 **coochie_destroyer:** ye

 **coochie_destroyer:** i have a shit ton of money, im pretty sure i can blow a few dollars on a plastic skeleton

 **sticky:** god,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i wish that i could do that 

 **worried:** Me to :(

 **mom_friend:** Alright, I guess that I can't stop you two from spending your money.

 **mom_friend:** Shuri, please don't let Peter do anything stupid.

 **mom_friend:** Peter, please don't let Shuri do anything stupid. 

 **coochie_destroyer:** alright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **sticky:** okay mj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**[coochie_destroyer and sticky are now offline] (7:00 am)**

**worried:** Youre really making those two make sure that they dont do anything stupid?

 **mom_friend:** I know, I'm regretting telling to look after each other

 **biitch:** theyre gonna get banned from every store in new york 

 **worried:** Sometimes im worried thats their plan 

 **mom_friend:** I won't be surprised if I see their names on the news for not being allowed in any stores.

 **biitch:** i bet they wont

 **biitch:** but it would be fucking amazing if they did

 **mom_friend:** Do not tempt them.

 **biitch:** >:^//////////

 **biitch:** too late i am gonna tempt them

 **mom_friend:** Do not. 

 **biitch:** >:^//////////////

**[biitch, mom_friend, and worried are now offline] (7:13 am)**

**[coochie_destroyer and sticky are now online] (12:46 pm)**

**coochie_destroyer:** meet harold :)

 **coochie_destroyer:** familyandchild.png

**[biitch, mom_friend and worried are now online] (12:50 pm)**

**biitch:** why were you at target for six hours

 **sticky:** we got distracted :^)

 **coochie_destroyer:** we got more than harold 

 **worried:** Since halloween is coming up what is harold gonna be for halloween?

 **sticky:** a cowboy :^D

 **worried:** Amazing

 **sticky:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 **sticky:** :^D

 **coochie_destroyer:** theyre already wearing their costume cause its already spooky moths you fucks 

 **mom_friend:** Please tell me that you did not get banned from Target

 **sticky:** im pretty sure that we didnt 

 **coochie_destroyer:** peter didnt but i probably did

 **mom_friend:** Why.

 **coochie_destroyer:** cause i destroyed everyones pussy

 **mom_friend:** Jesus Christ Shuri, did you actually get banned from Target?

 **coochie_destroyer:** no :(

 **coochie_destroyer:** i kinda wish i did tho

 **mom_friend:** No you don't.

 **coochie_destroyer:** when im 69 ill do it

 **sticky:** ha nice

 **biitch:** ha nice

 **sticky:** bro same hat

 **biitch:** bro,,,,, 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a little shorter than usual, im not 100% lately, i lost my voice :^(
> 
> ANYWAY please do give me your thoughts on this but i was considering making another fic for all the art that ive done in this fic and 'who added the kid?' cause i know that i mentioned that i have made art for these fics and that not everyone can see them because not everyone see them because i do post them on instagram (tbh,,,, i never posted any of the art on my instagram yet) so anyway, if enough people are interested in seeing my shitty art in their own 'story' just tell me in the comments!


	17. spoopy fun times i suppose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang goes to a haunted house
> 
> also called - im too much of a pussy to do this in irl so ill make these crazy kids so it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to The_ghosts_can_write for the idea uwuwuw

**[biitch is now online] (3:35 pm)**

**biitch:** who wants to come to a haunted house with me tonight

 **coochie_destroyer:** im down

 **mom_friend:**  Sure.

 **worried:** Hgngngngngn i guess i could come with

 **sticky:** i mgith cling to someone the entire time so i mgiht

 **sticky:** if one of you come out with a broken or bruised hand i plead the fifth

 **coochie_destoryer:** peter you fight crime every night and youre going to be too scared to go to a haunted house with actors???

 **sticky:** dont be a bully

 **sticky:** im used to like being scared but like my anxiety will be Z OOO P and ill just be zoo p you know?

 **coochie_destroyer:** oh yea i understand that

 **coochie_destroyer:** could we go to a diner after it?

 **coochie_destroyer:** i have a feeling some of us will be needing emotional support after this

 **sticky:** wow just say my name

 **worried:** You can just say my name

 **sticky:** bro,,,

 **worried:** Bro,,,

 **biitch:** some days im very positive that you two are the same people

 **sticky:** perhaps we are

 **worried:** I wouldnt be surprised, weve known eachother for years

 **sticky:** straight facts bro

 **worried:** I CALL HOLDING MJS HAND

 **sticky:** FUCK I WANTED TO HOLD MJS HAND

 **mom_friend:** You know that I have two hands

 **sticky:** :^O

 **worried:** Deadass?

 **mom_friend:** Deadass. 

 **worried:** Cool

 **coochie_destroyer:** awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww why cant i hold peters hand :(

 **sticky:** fun fact, i also have two hands

 **coochie_destroyer:** yo thats so fucking wack

 **sticky:** ik

 **sticky:** like imagine having two hands

 **sticky:** oh wait i can

 **mom_friend:** Peter I love you but sometimes you act like you're on crack.

 **worried:** Youre bold to assume that peter isnt actually on crack 

 **biitch:** wait i have no one to hold my hand :(

 **sticky:** thats because you suck

 **sticky:** but do you want me to hold your hand too?

 **biitch:** only if you dont break any of my fingers

 **sticky:** i hold no promises but i will hold your hand

 **coochie_destroyer:** on god are we just making a fucking human chain???

 **worried:** It sounds like we are

 **mom_friend:** If we are what's going to be the order everyone is in?

 **sticky:** uhhh mj you should be in the front and harley should be in the back

 **biitch:** why?????

 **sticky:** cause im a scaredy cat and if people run behind us harley will be the first to go and if people jump infront of us mj will be a stone and hopefully theyll ignore us cause mj doesnt get that scared

 **worried:** Whos in the middle then?

 **sticky:** i wanna be dead in the center on god

 **sticky:** then ned cause he wants to hold mjs hand and i want to hold neds hand if i cant hold mjs 

 **sticky:** itll be like an indirect hand hold

 **sticky:** then shuri will be behind me because uhhh i wanna hold shuris hand so that means that shuri will have to hold harleys hand if thats okay with her

 **coochie_destroyer:** is it possible that we just make a fucking circle so that were all holding eachother hands

 **mom_friend:** How will we be able to see where we are going than?

 **coochie_destroyer:** we dont 

 **coochie_destroyer:** we use echolocation 

 **sticky:** lowkey vibing with that 

 **worried:** Of course you vibe with that peter

 **mom_friend:** We're not using echolocation to find our way through the haunted house

 **biitch:** idk,,,, im also vibing with echolocation

 **mom_friend:** I don't care if you vibe to it or not, we're not using echolocation.

 **coochie_destroyer:** youre no fun >:(

 **mom_friend:** I don't care if I'm not fun, I'm the one who's keeping you four idiots safe.

 **biitch:** were going to a haunted house were not going to be safe

 **biitch:** especially with peter who will probably be swinging left and right

 **worried:** But he wont be swinging because hell be holding our hands

 **sticky:** i still have feet

 **coochie_destroyer:** were not carrying you through the haunted house

 **sticky:** :^(

 **sticky:** youre all bullies ngl

 **mom_friend:** Tragic, what ever will I do?

 **sticky:** idk but you can carry me

 **mom_friend:** Still not going to carry you.

 **sticky:** :^(

 **mom_friend:** What time are we going to this?

 **biitch:** idk but dark a clock cause i want it to be even more spooky tbh

 **worried:** Its already going to be spooky tho :(

 **biitch:** i want it to be spooky^8 

 **coochie_destroyer:** spooky to the eight power

 **biitch:** ye

 **sticky:** too spooky but i will try

 **biitch:** ! 

 **biitch:** does nine ish work for yall

 **mom_friend:** It should.

 **biitch:** peter and shuri i already know nine works for you two weve been together all day

 **sticky:** a bad way to spend a day tbh :^//////

 **biitch:** rude

 **biitch:** ned does this work for you??

 **worried:** Yea.

 **biitch:** amazing 

 **biitch:** ill send you the directions

 **mom_friend:** Alright

 **coochie_destroyer:** wait are we still going to that diner after this???

 **mom_friend:** We can.

 **sticky:** HELL YEA

 **sticky:** im gonna get so many fries

 **sticky:** and im n o t sharing

 **worried:** Rude. 

 **sticky:** i take that back, i m i g h t share

 **worried:** :)

 **sticky:** wuwuwuwuw

 **sticky:** ill see yall soon!!!!

**[sticky is now offline] (4:10 pm)**

**coochie_destroyer:** do we even have ride????

 **mom_friend:** I don't think that Ned and I do.

 **biitch:** i can ask tony if he could 

 **mom_friend:** I doubt that Stark would drive five teenagers and actually wait the time it takes us to finish the haunted house and drive us to the diner.

 **biitch:** hmmmmm,,, good point

 **biitch:** ill ask happy 

 **biitch:** he doesnt need to stay the entire time, he just has to drive us there to the house and then to the diner 

 **biitch:** or we could walk

 **worried:** What about getting home

 **coochie_destroyer:** the diner is close to peters house so owo

 **biitch:** can his house fit four other teenagers?

 **coochie_destroyer:** hopefully cause i dont want to go back to the tower

 **mom_friend:** I guess that's good enough for me.

 **worried:** We have the mom friends approval!!!!!

 **coochie_destroyer:** HELL YEAAAAAAAaa

 **biitch:** well come pick you two up in about uhhhh three hours????

 **worried:** Works for me

 **mom_friend:** Works for me too. 

 **mom_friend:** See you two and Peter in a couple of hours. 

 **coochie_destroyer:** fucking mint

**[coochie_destroyer, biitch, worried, and mom_friend are now offline] (4:30 pm)**

**[stick is now online] (8:58 pm)**

**sticky:** i am,,,, having regrets 

 **sticky:** like,,, a lot of regrets

**[coochie_destroyer is now online] (9:00 pm)**

**coochie_destroyer:** youll be okay petey uwuw

 **coochie_destroyer:** ill be holding your hand the entire time

 **sticky:** thank uwuuwuw

 **sticky:** sorry in advance if i hurt your hand a little bit

 **coochie_destroyer:** ill be okay uuwuwuw 

 **sticky:** :^)

**[sticky and coochie_destroyer are now offline] (9:03 pm)**

**[sticky, coochie_destroyer, biitch, worried, and mom_friend are now online] (10:40 pm)**

**sticky:** i hated that i never want to do that again please never make me do that again 

 **worried:** Im gonna agree peter, i never want to do that again either

 **mom_friend:** It was alright. I had fun I suppose.

 **coochie_destroyer:** of course you would have fun mj

 **biitch:** i had fun too 

 **coochie_destroyer:** peter you look like a m e s s 

 **sticky:** :^(

 **coochie_destroyer:** amess.png

 **sticky:** i just wanna eat fries with milkshake on them you know???

 **mom_friend:** Aw Peter, you really do look like a mess

 **sticky:** no need to rub the fact that i cried 

 **mom_friend:** Come here so that I can at least dry your face.

 **biitch:** such a mom 

 **mom_friend:** I will beat your ass.

 **biitch:** please no

 **mom_friend:** That's what I thought. 

 **biitch:** such a bully

 **worried:** I also want fries rn

 **worried:** time to go to the diner!!

 **sticky:** im still trying to calm myself so uwuwuwuwuwu

 **mom_friend:** Do you want my extra jacket?

 **biitch:** why do you have an extra jacket?

 **mom_friend:** Because I'm prepared.

 **sticky:** yes please,,,h

 **sticky:** i also like lowkey just wanna go home now cause im tired and want mutliple cuddes and perhaps even pajamas

 **biitch:** i hope pajamas are like,,,, an absolute because i refuse to sit anywhere n e ar you if you sleep in jeans

 **sticky:** i rather die than do that

 **worried:** So should someone go inside and order then we go skrt over to peters house???

 **sticky:** im ready for n a p s 

 **coochie_destroyer:** on god?

 **coochie_destroyer:** rt

 **sticky:** hell yea this means big pile

 **worried:** Amazing im so ready for the pile

 **sticky:** the p i l e

 **coochie_destroyer:** the p             i              l                   e

**Author's Note:**

> please consider leaving a kudos, a comment, and maybe a idea for a next chapter! and sorry its kinda short :(


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